Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am in a writer's group and I am having some doubts about it. The reason I say this is because many of the people in the group get into some triggering topics. I have heard ppl. go into details about abuse, r*** and other things.
I have a couple of problems with this. One is that this triggers me and I get upset. Other people have noticed that I seem to get upset yet do it anyway. I predicted that we would lose membership if discussion of these topics persisted. We already have. There were a couple of complaints.
Another problem I have with it is that I seem to lose my sense of boundaries in this situation. I keep telling myself that before I go to the group, that I won't discuss my own traumas. Then, I get there, and people start divulging their stuff, and I just feel compelled to share mine. Maybe it's feeling peer pressure or the need to fit in and seem like I am on topic and saying something that is related.
But, I have a good friend in the group who really does not need to hear all of my stuff, my past and my traumas. I try to edit myself because I don't want to damage our friendship over too much inappropriate disclosure. In the middle of our last group, I got all worked up again because I was triggered. We were on the subject of memoir, and people were discussing su*****. I jumped in with my own crap on yet another traumatic even that I had as a child-there's no end to those, and I noticed that my friend shut me down. I was kind of thankful that she did, because I feel like I am wallowing in victim status. People in this group keep trying to get us to "process" but I don't want to do therapy when I am there.
I wonder if I have already jeopardized our friendship by getting into therapy type things without meaning to and burdening her. I have damaged relationships before with this oversharing. Yet the group seems to be a lightning rod for this and I cant seem to stay out of it. If I try to stay out of it, one of the members tries to get me to "open up." I don't find this healthy.
I know one time my good friend said that next year when they were doing writer's group, that they might not invite people who came there and were too therapeutic. I wonder if I might be one of those people. I have skipped some of our meetings because it's gotten too heavy for me and has worn me out. I wonder if damage has already been done to our friendship. I guess we are getting together at the end of the year to discuss the future. I am not sure where I stand. I don't think a lot of disclosure is good for relationships all the time, yet a lot of people come from a therapy group where you are supposed to tell all and be accepted for everything. But I want to choose where and when this happens.
I have a couple of problems with this. One is that this triggers me and I get upset. Other people have noticed that I seem to get upset yet do it anyway. I predicted that we would lose membership if discussion of these topics persisted. We already have. There were a couple of complaints.
Another problem I have with it is that I seem to lose my sense of boundaries in this situation. I keep telling myself that before I go to the group, that I won't discuss my own traumas. Then, I get there, and people start divulging their stuff, and I just feel compelled to share mine. Maybe it's feeling peer pressure or the need to fit in and seem like I am on topic and saying something that is related.
But, I have a good friend in the group who really does not need to hear all of my stuff, my past and my traumas. I try to edit myself because I don't want to damage our friendship over too much inappropriate disclosure. In the middle of our last group, I got all worked up again because I was triggered. We were on the subject of memoir, and people were discussing su*****. I jumped in with my own crap on yet another traumatic even that I had as a child-there's no end to those, and I noticed that my friend shut me down. I was kind of thankful that she did, because I feel like I am wallowing in victim status. People in this group keep trying to get us to "process" but I don't want to do therapy when I am there.
I wonder if I have already jeopardized our friendship by getting into therapy type things without meaning to and burdening her. I have damaged relationships before with this oversharing. Yet the group seems to be a lightning rod for this and I cant seem to stay out of it. If I try to stay out of it, one of the members tries to get me to "open up." I don't find this healthy.
I know one time my good friend said that next year when they were doing writer's group, that they might not invite people who came there and were too therapeutic. I wonder if I might be one of those people. I have skipped some of our meetings because it's gotten too heavy for me and has worn me out. I wonder if damage has already been done to our friendship. I guess we are getting together at the end of the year to discuss the future. I am not sure where I stand. I don't think a lot of disclosure is good for relationships all the time, yet a lot of people come from a therapy group where you are supposed to tell all and be accepted for everything. But I want to choose where and when this happens.
At any rate, go for the triggers. walk towards the trigger events. The more of these depth charges you set off, the sooner the waters are cleared. Accept that the triggering is part of the healing, and it is to do with your life and therefore not something you should make everyone else there accommodate.
If you refuse to accommodate yourself, you'll cure faster.
JMHO of course, but I do practice what I preach, and I have done it this way myself. :)
When I run into a wall I discuss what is holding me back emotionally.
I understand what you mean about the depth charges and walking towards them. And I understand the part about other people not having to accommodate me. The part I am not getting is refusing to accommodate myself, I am not sure what that means. But, I do appreciate the feedback, it helps. I guess that until I really feel better the depth charges just might continue to go off.
Thanks,
orion
Who knows, I hope I am not asked to leave as having been too much for the group. I know they were thinking about asking some others to do so.
What I mean about not accommodating myself, is that I guess I never allow my sickness to affect how i expect to be treated, because quite frankly I have an anxiety sufferer at work, and she constantly bangs on about it, and although she gets fantastic treatment, she's really hard for me to cope with - so I don't do that to others.
Like, I might be terrified to go to the movie. I ignore that terror. Let that terror go suck a lemon. Let it go shove that attitude right up its jumper. I don't let it control my going to the movie, and if I sit through the movie in a state of supreme anxiety, I just do it. it's awful, but I sit there concentrating on looking normal, acting normal, and getting through it.
I attack the anxiety rather than the people or events that trigger it. Or at least, I try to.
Sometimes I fail - like today. So I have to sort of shake myself and have another go later.
I've spent a lot of time in conversations with my mother, who is MONUMENTALLY triggering for me due to the damage she has done to my life with her ideas, just standing there saying to self 'silence bridget. shut up. endure. don't react. don't scream. don't shout. silence. flowers. butterflies. wait. don't listen. wait. don't react.....' heh.