Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm to my breaking point. Im severely depressed and can't handle the pain. I'm watching a movie coyote ugly and it's bringing back painful memories of my past, my dad on me about my weight , ex boyfriends, being rejected, feeling ugly , not applying myself in school, past abuse, my trauma , my current living situation a stepfather that puts me down calls me names, think of my mom and I as slaves. Never helps or does anything. . he's onme asout my weight.to be honest I want the weight to be gone too but I can't see myself thinner. I'm going to school but I feel like I'm stupid. My mind races when I do homework. I have ocd, my anxiety is severe. I'm to my limit, i try to defend myself against the abuse but he name calls says I'm taking his wife which is my mom, or that he'll leave. I have no support here. What can I do?
So my guess is those two deserve each other. You, however, need to see them less as people capable of wounding you, and more as animals in a zoo. Just because some slob tells you you're ugly, doesn't mean you are.
My first boyfriend did this all to me. I was about 52 kg and he'd be on at me that I was so fat, and quite ugly, but he thought I was beautiful because he loved me, but nobody else would think I was beautiful because I was so fat, and so ugly.
I mean... I bought that garbage but I was 18. You're 35. It's time to just.. leave.
Get out of there. Surely there is some job you can get? And if you have to live at home to finish your education; go study down at the local library and stay out of the house as much as you can.
Daddy bear is a nutjob and a jerk. and you don't deserve it, and you don't need it, and you can live quite happily when you've got away from it.
Don't sell yourself short. You have good syntax, good grammar, good writing style. You're clearly intelligent. Even a secretarial course would get you out of that house. You gotta do what you gotta do to get out.
First of all, I want to begin by stating that I hope you are doing great now. I truly understand that life could get hectic and moments like this could lead to the unthinkable. I really want you to know and I'm hoping that when you read this, you are really hearing me out, because I could say this much that what you are going through is not the end of the world. It may feel like it, trust me, I know. However, your problems are just the beginning and not the ending. Therefore, I am hoping that you won't give in, although it is difficult (more than words can say). Additionally, I know it could be really fed up for you too, but one day, life will point you to the right direction.
In spite of this, my advice is to take baby steps to make changes or a difference in your life. For instance, you may start off by eating healthier, take more rest, exercise/dance/swim, create realistic goal, and/or keeping a diary journal or type your feelings down. Do what you love or what makes that smile lights up the room. I know I'm just another stranger trying to make it in this world, but trust me when I say this, your pains are going to make you very strong. Not only will it strengthen you, but it would make you a hell of a successful inspirational beautiful person. Oh I mean it! I truly believe that those who suffers through pains, they have ways to express their feelings through poetry, lyric, art, sports, etc. So don't go breaking my heart now! ^_^
Nonetheless, keep a positive outlook to rid the negativity. Now before you go gunshot on me, I know, I really hate when someone tells me to be positive. Like sunshine and rainbow is going to make me forget the hell hole I'm in. Moreover, it's not so easy to paint a smile and be all bubbly when you're feeling broken. So I would never tell someone to stay positive when he/she is feeling really negative or having a break-down moment. I would tell you like how I would tell all my friends, "Cry, be as mad as a dog, express your feelings... Just don't hurt yourself and anybody else." Emotions run high, so you never want to fight it, because that would only get worse. Soon, the storm will pass...
Then, there will be sunshine and just when you thought life is going so great, the rainy lightning day decide to come striking. And sh*ts just gets worse. So you're sitting over there thinking how the hell you're back here again. And the cycle just seem to never end. But I could tell you this one thing, always remember that we have to go through hell to get to heaven. Everyone is riding that train, whether we like it or not. So don't beat yourself, instead wipe away your tears after you're done and then remind yourself of the positive changes you are making. And if you don't think you have one, remember that you have made it this far in life. Like hot dam, you're a FIGHTER! And fighter fight with honor... roll. Therefore, you are VERY SMART. =) Keep that in mind; moreover, there is no such thing as stupid, because everyone could build up their knowledge.
And don't you dare let anyone and even yourself believe that you are ugly. Beauty come from within and if your heart is purely beautiful, then you are too. I don't care about the size of your waist, the flaws on your face, and the little details drawn on your skin. You are define by your heart, not from your look. Our body changes in time, but our heart would not. So please don't let any fools bring you down and make you think otherwise.
Despite that, I hope you are going to continue to go to school and achieve your goal. I know it is difficult to focus when having certain problems interfering with your ability to think, but I do hope you continue to journey on. I understand this very well, because I too have problems with focusing when issues arise. Nonetheless, I still gave it my best to continue on with my education. So I hope you do the same if that is part of your goal.
Now about self hatred, I would recommend you to do research so that you could work on bettering yourself. I was thinking that maybe you could write down the positive things that you really love about yourself. Therefore, whenever you feel like beating yourself, you could instead remind yourself the things that are lovely and unique about you. Also, you could make "What I love about myself" DIY jar and create plenty of cards to put it in, so then whenever you're feeling down, you could pick as many cards as you like to help remind you of the positive things.
Like I've stated in the beginning, take baby steps in order for you to get back on your feet. Better yourself first so that you could be capable of working, going to school, etc. Nothing is more important than your health. All in all, it is up to you and only you. You are the one who is in control; therefore, you could make this right for yourself and seek the happiness that you very much deserve. Don't let anyone and even you stop you from living your life the way you deserve it. And most importantly, remember to always give life more than just a passing glance.
P.S. You've got this! If ever you feel lost, there is no need to worry, because life will lead you to the right path. So please don't be discourage. You're stronger than you think. Hope you don't mind the essay. :) By the way, I will do my best to be here if ever you or anyone need a talk and/or listening. I won't always have the answer, but I'll give it my best to remind ones that he/she is not alone and when there is problem, there is solution. To sum it up, I hope you are taking care of yourself and taking the time to learn to love yourself. Best wishes to you.