Now that Halloween is over and the daylight saving time has changed I feel myself going into a deeper depression. It happens every year and has always done so. As I get older it is just getting worse. I am on medications and it does help but it is hard to face the upcoming times.

I am not a social person at all and as much as I want to be around friends and family the thought of doing so causes me so much inner turmoil. Am separated from my wife and rarely see my kids and grandchildren except on holidays and birthdays and such. times together are always strained. To make matters worse I always end up with a bunch of vacation time left over that I have to use or lose. I don't have any life outside of work so I rarely take time off. I end up donating a big chunk of my vacation time to others that are in medical/emergency situations but I still end up taking some time off. Don't have a whole lot of extra money to spend so going somewhere during that time is not really an option. I end up spending most of the time in my apartment trying to sleep as much as possible just so I don't have to face the depression and loneliness. Usually the week between Christmas and the new year. the time off is pure hell and spend most of the week so depressed and wanting to die. All I can think about is that I want to die and be done with it. As I get closer to retirement all I can think about is that if this is the way it is going to be like for me there is no sense in living.