Hi, Im 56. The changes from getting older seem to come so much quicker than I thought possible. I try to concentrate on the simple joys . The things I took for granite when I was young.

Maybe you could tell us a little about your life, challenges you face, and people could weigh in with some suggestions, at least support.

Anna, I read all four of your posts. I think you should get in to see your therapist as soon as you can. I would also suggest you call a local hotline or the national suicide hotline. There are a few so Google it. Here's a little secret. You don't have to be suicidal to call, just in distress. But its sounds like you are anyway. It would give you someone to talk to and they will listen. Also talk with your therapist about making a plan to get away from the abusive people in your life. You mentioned more than once how you wanted love and support. Are you also prepared to give it? If so, maybe look for some way to volunteer, or even change jobs to something where you get paid to help people. You need to find ways of being around people. By finding ways that people will depend then they will be talking and interacting with you. There are also groups like Meetup, where you find clubs and activities you are into and join a group. The subjects span the spectrum, hobbies, self development, etc. I do hope you find a path to peace and a good life.

Do you attend church? If so, does your church have a life group or some sort of group meetings?

One more point I should make. If you have always had trouble making friends (like I have) go to Amzn and search for some books on how to be more personable, more charming, etc. I don't know you at all but if you are socially awkward it will greatly inhibit your ability to make friends. I have also heard that Toastmasters is a good way to get practice and get comfortable speaking to groups.

I had another idea. See if there are any fantasy role playing game groups in your area. Then learn that game and join the group. Yes, many of these groups meet in cyberspace now but I think there are still some that get together.

Damn I just had another one. What about being a volunteer tutor and teach illiterate people to read? They get a lesson, and you get some social interaction. Is there a women's correctional facility in your area? They usually need volunteers to help troubled women with life skills. Same deal for a battered women's shelter. Of course hospitals always need volunteers.

Do you know anything at all about the law? Heck you could be trained. There a lot of people who need various forms of legal aid and cant afford it. So there are a precious few lawyers who donate some of their time and organization that offer low or no-cost legal aid. Well those lawyers need assistance. With some on the job training, you would be handling clerical tasks.

thank you guys for your kind words and great suggestions. that helps a lot. really tired tonight so can't write too much except to say thanks!