Hi. I started working at 16 and had to stop at 20. I feel really bad about it as well. I sometimes feel useless and not contributing to anything. My spouse works two frustrating jobs to take care of us and our family. Sleep is almost non existent. So when that happensw I feel even worse. But I had to see that if someone else were in my shoes I would encourage them to not feel bad. And that getting well is important. Mental illness is no different than cancer or diabetes. We did not cause this or ask for it. Give yourself some love you would give someone you love if they are having a hard times with depression and work.

This is simple, but it sucks. But it is simple. And it's what I had to do, a solo mother with nobody I could stay with, and children to feed.

you say to yourself "I am going to do this, and I am going to do whatever I have to, to do this."

And then you do it. This rips away all choice. It rips away all confusion. Choice is not easy. Choice is hard. No choice = easy.

You're going to get out there in january, you are going to go back to work, you are going to do one hell of a job. It doesn't matter how you have to manage that. You're going to manage it because if you don't, your life is toast. If you don't, you are under a bridge living out of rubbish bins.

Right? So whatever you have to line up behind that, you line it up. If the family has to come second, tell them they're coming second. If you have to work late to get things right because you're not functioning well, that's what you'll do. If you come home after 12 hr days and don't have anything to say to the girlfriend? she's just going to have to suck that right up.

Okay? you're going to have to get hard line. No wibbly wobbly. No fluffing about. Draw that line and stand with it. There's no choice.

No choice at all. You get this right or you're screwed.

I appreciate the replies. bridgie101, I know you're trying to help but your advice feels reckless. For a lot of jobs, functioning at less than 100% cannot be compensated by just staying at work for more hours. I work in health service industry, in clients homes. If I'm not 100%, they suffer. Overtime, unpaid, or otherwise doesn't solve that. And telling my son he comes second to work? God, I hope no-one would ever take that advice. I can see that Rocky Balboa 'eye of the tiger' vibe in your words, but it's a little much like just telling people with depression to suck it up.
I want to take choice out of the equation, like you said. I want to just see this date, and stick to it, and understand it as reality, and not a decision.

I feel like the exact opposite sentiment to the last line is more appropriate, and I'm thankful because actually your comment has made me realize this:
If I don't get this right, I'm not screwed. I have family that comes first, and that puts me first, and a supportive girlfriend that I talk to instead of shutting out due to work stress. The hardest part for me is the guilt from straining my support network. But ksalters is right. If someone else was in my shoes, I wouldn't want them to feel guilty for needing my help.

First, you cannot feel guilty for having an illness that prevents you from working. I have only been able to work part-time due to migraines, depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia, and some other health issues. Going back before you are ready may do you more harm then good: forcing yourself to go back to work or do anything to please others will not make you better. You first responsibility is to you, and your health. How can I tell you this? Because I have been there! I had run myself down so much at one point that my doctor forced me off work for two months. I have had to remind myself numerous times that my normal is not everyone else's normal and I have to live my life differently in order to stay well both mentally and physically. Also, you have to understand most people are not going to understand this; if you have never lived under the heavy cloud of depression, anxiety, any metal illness, or chronic illness they just may never get how difficult it is to live day to day and how you can look okay on the outside, but can be completely falling apart on the inside. Take the time that you need to get better; only you and your doctor will know when you reach that point. Also, do not let guilt rule you. I feel guilty and like I have failed because I can't work full-time, but then I realise that I can't live life by someone else's rules. I am not choosing to only work part-time due to laziness: I have to do it because most days I am in pain both physically, mentally, and emotionally. By the time I get home from work I am totally depleted and usually in more pain. Please, take care of yourself! Sending you hugs and well wishes.