Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So i've been feeling guilty lately. I dont know why. I mean i lost my dad to a heart attack 9 months ago. I guess i've been feeling guilty because i didnt get to really visit him while he was in the hospital. I didnt get to say goodbye and everything. I mean no one did because it was early in the morning and we had planned to go visit him that day but then it just happened. So i mean, i dont know why this sudden guilt is coming on. I just want it to not be happening. Also im currently fighting like the hardest depression battle ever. I dont know what to do about it anymore and its driving me insane. I guess im writing this just to get some advice?
Grief takes on different forms at different times. Most of us tend to obsess over the events surrounding a death, replaying them over and over again until we are exhausted. That is a mixture of shock and anxiety. Later, it can take on other forms, like sadness, or anger or guilt.
Whenever we obsess, we can be sure that the obsession is diverting our attention from something more painful. In your case, it might be your brain's way of trying to cope with everything about his death.
The first few weeks after a death are difficult, but it still seems unreal, especially if unexpected. However, I remember it feeling more painful 6-9 months later, because his absence was more real to me.
So as the reality of the loss settles in, you may be having a more difficult time than earlier, and so the mislaid guilt is serving a purpose. The guilt could be masking a much more difficult feeling....like sadness....or anger.....grief.
The guilt keeps the grief/anger/sadness in check, by diverting your attention, so the other feeling does not rise up and overwhelm you. In other words, your brain is trying to protect you, and cope the best it can, with something it does not know how to process very well.
Every person who has ever lost someone they loved, wishes they had more time to spend with that person. I remember having to finish a term paper the day before my Dad was rushed to the hospital and obsessing terribly over the fact that I did not spend that day with him.
Now that I am in my 50's, I realize that most of us never get to say a final goodbye to our loved ones before they pass. It is really unthinkable to us that we would lose someone anyway, so its not as if we have a plan in place for such an event.
Its especially true of a unexpected death. However, my Mom passed of cancer, and I had plenty of time with her, but still did not feel like I said the goodbye I would have liked. Whether expected, or unexpected, it never feels like enough time.
When you think about it, if we were to know the exact day our loved ones were going to pass, it would be a crushing burden to bear. So I guess the Universe gives us a reprieve from that....the trade-off is that we are left more than a little bewildered.
BTW, obsessing tends to get worse if we are over-tired or overwhelmed, We can be especially hard on ourselves when depressed, so remember to treat yourself very gently. That means, no guilt-ing yourself, no scaring yourself and no saying mean things to yourself. Just get lots of rest, be with supportive people and eat properly.
Take care of yourself... Hope it eases soon.
I really don't know what to tell you but we have to move forward and try to remember the love we did share with them until we see them again in Heaven.