Hugs hon. Im sorry you are having to deal with so much.

How old is he??

IMO if he is over 21 and not IN college or university in the town you live in there is no excuse for him to still be living with you. That's ridiculous...

Maybe it's time to put your foot down and straight up kick him out or start charging rent at the very least.

We had some problems like that with my oldest son. First let me tell you he is now 38 married with two kids and doing good. 20 years ago he was on crack and totally uncontrollable. He dropped out of college after the second month. Could not hold down a job. When we found the crack in his room we told him he could not live with us unless he went straight. Well the going straight lasted a couple of days and then he moved out. He moved in with a friend of his and we just had to let go. It's funny the whole thing is sort of a blur in my mind. I cried all the time, but I had (still have) a faith that everything would work out and it did. Once he wasn't able to take advantage of me and his father he took a long hard look at himself and got his life together and did it completely on is own. Ter

"Once he wasn't able to take advantage of me and his father he took a long hard look at himself and got his life together"

This is precisely the problem with "grown ups" who don't leave home, the way I see it anyways. They grow accustomed to Mom/Dad taking care of all their needs and it gets to the point where it is simply expected - as if they somehow deserve it by virtue of merely being alive. Parents with grown up children need to put their damn foot down and force their kids to grow up... it's the only way.

You say he has no where to go - but ya know what? You kick his arse out and he'll FIND somewhere to go... and he'll begin to recognize how easy you have made his life.... and eventually he'll thank you for the tough love.

It's hard to make it on your own as a young person today, and most of us do need a little help from the folks (we are facing far higher education, health, security, transportation and living costs than our parents' generation ever had to - obviously that needs to be considered by parents of people my age. But it doesn't justify hand outs and it doesn't justify not even trying to make it on your own... all it means is that it is OK for us to ask for help sometimes.... but it isn't OK to take advantage.

I just asked my parents to loan me the $ to buy a car - and I genuinely appreciate that. If, however, my parents let me free load off them all the time and my life was easy street, I wouldn't appreciate it... I would expect it.

As long as he can manipulate you, he will never stop manipulating you. The ball is in your court.

thanks to everyone who responded. i do know i will either have to kick him out or he will conform. im just so scared. i dont have any backup realy. was allways single mom of two. i had to work and was not around as much as they needed, but they had to eat, etc... so i have much guilt about alot of things. that is i think the root of it all. and my youngest, iwore me down, at some point i gave up, big mistake. but i have to get past the guilt somehow because im not helping him im realy hurting him and i know it. im realy going to try im so glad i posted this. its giving me some strenght,. thank you very much for all the support. he will be back early next month. will keep you posted. thanks again so very much. i have a little ray of hope now. i just have to follow threw. ok thanks again. xxoo

hmmmmmmmmmmm...Rent with a room mate is not all that expensive (like maybe $350/month). If he got a job working with a temp agency (they often hire people with little to no experience and get them work sooner than they would trying to find work themselves) he could easily cover that rent, and any extra expenses could be covered with a credit card. If he is in terrible debt, he can always consider bankruptcy and that will wipe his slate clean, and he can get credit counseling. What you could do is post an ad on craigslist for him (unless he can do it himself) seeking a roommate, and list the price range that works for him. You might be surprised how many people will respond. Hope this helps.

Another thing I was thinking is that your home is your space and you should feel comfortable in it. If his presence is hurting you, you have tyhe right to boot him out just as a landlord would. Give him a 30 day notice of eviction so to speak, and if you still want, you can help him find a room mate and a job...that might help ease your anxiety because you would still be loving to him by helping him help hmself (unless he can do it all by himself, then that's great). Just tell him how it makes you feel without getting too emotional when you talk to him. Give him that time frame to make arrangements, and you'll be all set to having your space and peace back.

I'm pretty worried about you. Here is why. You need to do 'something' drastic. Because it is drastic, it is going to be met with a LOT of resistance. Add to that, alcohol abuse. He is a 'young male' and you are a middle aged woman. What you have to do will back him into a corner. I still believe you have to do it .. but I am a little fearful for you. You are having to put him on his own, yet he has no options .. and that can be somewhat dangerous .. for you.

I guess all I am saying is you have a 'big' issue to manage .. and it won't be pretty .. so be wise, be careful, and think it out very well. Good luck to you. Changes MUST take place.