HI happycactus!
Sorry you are going through a rough time. Has your Dr mentioned TMS treatment? It's been around for over 10 years and has had great success. I became treatment resistant to meds and a couple months ago my therapist suggested TMS(trans cranial magnetic stimulation). I am presently on hiatus from it due to being ill, but so far it has helped me. Some people go into a remission from depression, some need an occasional 'tune-up'(for lack of a better term). For some it doesn't work, but for many there are improvements. It can be big commitment time-wise, since initial protocol is 5x/week for 6 weeks. I was unable to tolerate 5x/wk due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and when I go it's 3x/week. It will extend the number of weeks for me, but that's what works best for me. You can google it for more information, or if you just want to ask me more questions, feel free. There are no lasting side effects except for maybe some scalp discomfort during treatment which goes away quickly. You can look up sites near you that have it, some psychiatrist's offices have it. Depending on your insurance, you may have copay, which in some case can be costly. I have Medicare and don't have a copay at all.
It is definitely something to consider. I never tried ECT, nor would I, due to the strong possibility of memory issues. Had a friend who had issues afterwards.
Talk to your Dr and see what's best for you. Hope you have success with whatever you choose to do.
Sending hugs and support!!!!

Hi, I'm certainly not a doctor, but I have had depression as severe as what you are describing. You state your "divorce destroyed you." Can you unpack exactly when and how it happened, and why? After my hospitalization, I did not work (not full time) in a professional capacity as I was drained out, but I spent the year in support groups and therapy unraveling what got me there in the first place. I found it more useful than the other treatments.

Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. I have had some really tough times like this. One thing that has helped me is to have something you have to do even if you don't want to like take care of a pet or go to work. there have been so many times that I would not have gotten out of bed at all except for my cats and I went to work not just to keep eating and roof over my head but to care for them. so yea, that is what has kept me going even when I have been miserable. it's really hard to force yourself to function when you feel that bad. sometimes if you can get yourself to get up and do anything it can help. if a shower or preparing a meal is too much, maybe you could brush your hair and/or brush your teeth. if you could just walk around the house for a few minutes and stretch for a few minutes. check back in here. maybe we can help you pull out of this really hard time.

Thank you to everyone who replied. Ketamine has been recommended for me. The TMS I guess is too light of a treatment for me. I need to let go of sad feelings regarding my divorce. I wish my apartment let me have pets but they don’t. I did get out to the gas station to get iced tea and that felt good. Just thinking about my future scares me if I can’t pull out of this. How would I possibly be able to live on my own. Thank god I’m on disability. Your replies are very helpful. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry your going through a tough time i know how it feels. Back in 2007 in the span of just a couple of months (yes about 2 months) I lost my job, my wife to another man, and was denied access to my kids (not because of any crime just because my ex wife was being vindictive). I fell completely apart so i know where you are coming from. It takes time to get better, it really does, but you will get there.

What do you mean that TMS is 'too light of a treatment's? There's nothing light about it. Just wondering.

A reason to go on. Do you have parents, siblings or other relatives or close friends that care about you? You go on for them. Kids? Definitely go on for them. You will find a way out of this misery but you will have to keep at it. I wish I had a simple suggestion for you but I don't. I do hope you feel better soon.

I have parents that I love very much and a brother. I just get very lonely now that I can’t see them during this pandemic. I think I need to find a job that I want to go to everyday. Maybe in the form of giving back. I just feel worthless right now. I wish I had children too.

All I can say is that acceptance is key. I'm sure you really loved spouse and miss them but sometimes life takes an unexpected turn. You may not have the life you wanted right now but you have to find a way to let go of the past and accept, staying in the past will only steal away your life now. Easier said than done I know. Feel free to msg for support.

I like your idea of finding a job you want to go to every day and wanting to give back. That sounds amazing and maybe even looking into it would lift your mood. Maybe you could Skype or something with your family to stay connected with them. I'm cooking and baking a lot. that seems to kind of calm me down.

Thank you all for your support. I do have to let go of the past. It seems to hold me back. I just don’t want my life to fall apart because of depression. I’m trying my best but it’s really tough at times.

I think it would benefit you greatly if you could talk with a trusted counselor. You def. need someone in your life to listen to you, share your thoughts with, and counselors are here for that! After my divorce my counselor was instrumental in helping me figure out who I was without my spouse. It was really helpful. You are having a very rough time and we are here for you!!!

The past two days were good. I think my meds may be kicking in slightly. Being in disability is so hard when I’m all alone. I reach out to friends so that helps. I do get consumed with thoughts though. About the past and what if I did things a different way. I just want to be better. My counselor is very nice and I look forward to our appointments. I still don’t understand why I am still on this earth. I want to stop whining all the time but I think that’s a symptom. I try though.