I think I can relate. I've been surrounded by "positive thinking" people my entire life. I was once one of them. The reason I put "positive thinking" into quotes is b/c I'm not talking about actual positive thoughts. I'm talking about the happy speak we all engage in to try to minimize our problems or others' problems. I've heard that shit my entire life from my family. I had this one friend. We'll call her Nancy. She suffered from depression like me. But over the years she decided (not necessarily consciously) that she was just done with all of this depression shit. She started being polyanna (obnoxiously positive) and using a chipper voice more and more and repeatedly ignoring or minimizing my sadness by making flippant responses and sometimes even getting angry at me b/c I wasn't happier. Her and I used to speak multiple times daily. But when my depression really hit me I just couldn't do that anymore. Speaking to her meant hearing her go off about how fucking amazing her life was. She'd give the same speech with different words and then at the end of her long ass monologue she'd say, in a chipper voice "So how are you today?" You know that voice where someone doesn't really want an honest response? They just want you to say "Great" in an equally chipper tone so they can stay in their surface joy.

I had to stop speaking to her and doing so was really painful (although it has gotten a lot better over the years). But not as painful as staying friends with her. She did what worked for her- she ignored pain, she glossed it over- to her that was being positive. That was coping. To me- that makes me feel suicidal- like life isn't really worth living. My Ma- she acts the same way as this friend used to: the chipper and flippant response, the roaming eyes when I speak of anything real to me while she pauses for a certain count of seconds before changing the subject. I felt so defeated when I saw that look- I still do- that look like "oh, you poor pathetic thing. Thank God I'm not as pathetic as you. That must be so horrible- FOR YOU." It makes me feel shamed and alone.

My only advice is to be true to you. I have realized that certain people make me feel suicidal and it's ok (and essential) to avoid those people. She's not necessarily acting "right" just b/c you're sad and she isn't. Some people hide their sadness so well that they don't even see it. She seems low on empathy. That's what depressed people need most of all from others- well that's what I need. Empathy and space.

<3

Thanks. Yeah.
She used to be depressed too and it is like she's moved on and she's mad cause I haven't. Like she expects me to be so logical and just sweep my feelings away like nothing because they're not helpful. I also feel like she thinks my problems are stupid cause she works so hard and has a job and I'm unemployed I have no right to be stressed out.

I have definitely been there as well! Being ignored by someone you consider a friend hurts so much. I am really shy and have a hard time making friends because its difficult to speak up. and while I was texting a friend about it, he did not respond after I said "Well I usually feel like a bother any time I try to make plans, since everyone seems so busy already or the continuously back out last minute without any notice". And it sucked and it really hurt, and no one deserves to feel that way.

I agree with Jen, be true to yourself. Someone will come along who accepts and embraces you for who you are, depression and all, and will stay with you to help you through it!

Not to mention I have a physical disability and it feels like she thinks it's not a big deal and I should get over it.
She once texted me "it's not your disability that's the problem, it's your attitude"
Wow thanks a lot.

Thanks. I guess I won't be reaching out to her again soon. It's hard cause she's my twin sisters roommate so I can't really cut her out. But this is why I've been keeping our friendship superficial.

Okay so an update on the situation:
Mary texted me this morning to continue the conversation. Which made me angry. I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore and that it hurt my feelings when she disappeared from a conversation when I was sharing my feelings with her. This was incredibly hard for me to do. I started sobbing. I feel like I have no right standing up for myself. I was scared she would get angry and defensive. But she didn't. She said she fell asleep. I felt like a goon, but she honored my feelings and said she was sorry and we chatted. She said she knows I don't want to hear advice and asked what kind of thing would be helpful to hear.
Assertiveness and communication are really important and I'm learning slowly how to do it. If your friend truly cares about you she'll listen.

Been there. I have a physical disability as well. Feel free to message.

I'm really glad she acknowledged your feelings. Sticking up for myself when it comes to friends can be really hard. It's a really slow and can be really painful to change. Good for you for telling the truth! I hope she'll continue to act right. But if she doesn't- that's on her. You can only do right by you- and you did that.

Hi :0), I think you are putting way too much pressure and expectation on your friend. I am not trying to be mean and I say this with a loving heart. Its not that what you are wanting out of the friendship is wrong but for her as an individual it may be too much.
I am a very spiritual persons I put most of my trust in God. I take "rest ' in Him when things in life are too overwhelming for me to deal with and thats exactly what He wants us to do. I am not trying to convert yo by any means I am just sharing how I deal with things.
I do understand where you are coming from though. I live in Oregon. I have lived here for 17 years. I am originally from Huntington Beach Calif. I have about 4 good friends . My best friend I am very blessed to have because she never judges me and truly understands me. I am very fortunate to have her.
If your friend did cut you off that isn't very nice and I understand how that would make you feel hurt and frustrated.I think thats why sites like this one are so helpful because when people do fall short of "our expectations" we can usually find someone here who understands.
I understand your depression I suffer from it too. It always amazes me how depression works. One day you can feel on top of the world, like everything has come together you just feel "right'. Then the next day everything is opposite. You no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel, you feel ugly and all alone.
One thing for sure, People will always run short of 'our expectations' because they're people.

I'm going to be dreadfully racist and say that Americans talk about their relationships a lot. And they negotiate their relationships a lot. So they run the risk of falling down their own navel and getting lost there. A level of communication is encouraged in people who are really too young to be made responsible for that level of analysis, and then everything turns to shit and nobody knows why.

I would, as a dyed in the wool New Zealander, say to ditch the intensity. What you need to do with your friend is find fun things to do, and then do them. Never make an excuse for yourself: show up or don't show up, but no excuses.

Try to do what you can to keep things in the practical world. Let time be your ally, and learn to let anxiety about the relationship wash downstream. When things go wrong? let it float away. Call up in three or four days with an activity or idea to do. Let the past fall into the past and die there.

also: identify those things you are insecure about, and do what it takes to carry them. Don't let your belief that she 'must' think x about you turn into you actually believing she thinks x about you. It's your imagination. If you really need to know? Ask. Ask and take the answer stoically. Accept that answer. If you don't want to accept an answer you can't handle, don't ask the question.

The longer you don't ask a question, the more time you have to change the answer to the question by the way you operate. I never ask a question. I just do what I can to make the truth be what I want it to be.

Staying out of intensity zone is a way to protect against a million mistakes. Hers, yours, anyone's. Leaving yesterday to stay in the past really reduces stress. And dragging yesterday into today is very hard for most people. Especially people who work full time. Yesterday just gets wiped.