I can sure relate to being what I don't want to be. Depression is such a damn thief. I just keep fighting every day. When a day comes along that I have no fight left in me, I surrender and take some down time. I never want to be hospitalized for depression ever again. But, if I must, I would do it. Sometimes I crash into a depression.

Good luck to you on Friday.

I think the hardest part, for me, of dealing with chronic depression is the internalized stigma of blaming and criticizing myself for being "weak, sensitive, crazy, intolerant, etc." For people who don't struggle with depression I don't think they understand how debilitating it can be, and that it is a physical disorder, just as asthma or diabetes. I have been depressed far more than happy in this lifetime, and I do my best to think and be positive, to take risks and try to live but its an ongoing battle. I want to feel good about myself and my life and get rid of this dread and ever-hanging cloud of despair and hopelessness. I guess my point is that maybe we need to forgive ourselves for struggling, for being "whatever" and try to offer ourselves the permission to have a bad day, make mistakes, feel sad or fearful and take the steps we can to help. Maybe right now that means going to a hospital, seeing a new doctor, or trying a new medication. Whatever it takes, know that you are caring for yourself and sometimes that's the best we can do. I hope things become easier for you soon.

Oh I'm sorry....the same thing happened to me at work..I couldn't function...I went out on leave cause everyday I walked in I was worried about what mistake I made was going to be on my voicemail or e-mail.

I would literally have tears in my eyes to start everyday...because there was always something there....even if it was a little mistake..there was something EVERYDAY.

I gave up and quit...so get help...and maybe you can pull out of this.

Thankyou for responding., forgive myself now theres an interesting idea! this is how Im feeling right now... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbgrX18pN-s

WHAT KIND OF EPISODES?
GBU
D
;-O

Eshaw thank you for your compassionate post. We must learn to forgive ourselves.

Episodes of crying....causing myself pain so I feel something other than depression...fighting with myself to stay alive.
The verdict is pending...with what I have described to my doc I've been put on appointment for xray ultrasound and an MRI to rule out any physical reason for the way I am. If that turns out normal then its off to the psyc ward to have my meds tampered with. I was told its better to be in hospital when doing major changes. Who am I to argue? I just want to live a happy or should I say less negative life and Im at the stag I will try anything