Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

First post in this group

Thor2008
Thor2008

Forgive if I cover old ground for those in some of my other groups.  


Depression has been a big part of my soul for the past several years.  I am bipolar so depression and BP go hand in hand often.  I have a lot of shame and guilt of some things that happened when I was in the military and these events eventually forced me out (33 years, very senior officer).  I retired from my own decision but I could no longer be there.  Also, my heart was failing, due to the depression, that would have also forced me out on medical retirement.  Either way, I was out and I needed to move on.  The career was literally killing me - ORs, ICUs, Multiple hospitalizations, a couple of stints at mental health hospitals (4 weeks at the longest), and so on.  Depression still plagues me today.  I still have the shame, and even if that goes, the depression has scared me to much.  What do I do?  I can not rid myself of this and it just eats my soul.  

RJW
RJW
Thank you for sharing. Chronic Depression is learning to endure with it. It has ebbs and flows, or storms and clearings. It is a constant weight. That weight's weight can be crushing. It is good to find purpose, a reason to keep fighting. I find it in my Faith. Often we can get help in finding it from the right Counselor or Therapist. Medication can help to level out the weight, but generally it takes other help to find a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is just being around for the people we love. I hope you find your purpose and the help that you need. Can always vent here. Thank you and God Bless.
Thor2008
Thor2008
Rehiah - I think you miss understand me by frankly a great deal. Maybe this is more for me and I guess that that is true for any post here. We speak to each other through ourselves. My journey had been a bit more than I have detailed (suicide attempts, psychotic breaks - in fact once just recently in the past three weeks, mania periods,.... I should have been jailed so many times and I wanted to jump off the end of the ship or walk into a jet engine so many times). It is not to show my BP stripes, but depression seems to be my natural state. The Service gave me a place to hide and a place to burn off if you will, my mania. Working for seven days with no sleep is rewarded were in civilian life I would have been arrested for trespassing. It pains me that I have failed to properly represent myself.

I am depressed, and that mixes with my mania quite a bit to create someone a bit shaken and stirred. I have a Walrus (shrink... long story), and Mother (TDoc... also long story). I think I am going to rename Mother, Hippy as she keeps pushing me to try illicit drugs (another story)

I have a high emotional IQ (scored off the charts for the Service), but the implementation of that insight is a bit less than the steller. I see the right answer but fail to act upon it. I can sit in the office of the Hippy and talk about insight and still fail to understand my BP or depression. I know that I am bipolar because of the cycles that I have gone through. I live me of my time in depression and my mania tends to be mild and weird but lately has become dangerous to others and more filled with psychosis. I am one screwed up cookie as one ICU nurse told me early in the morning. I managed to not sleep for nearly four days there and no one said a word.

BP... yep. Total BP. Also CPTSD but that is a whole 'nother nightmare that I try to suppress.

The depression is why I am here. I feel it all the time and I can't get around it. I just don't know how to feel normal anymore. Everything seems black and gray and nothing seems to bring any joy. I go off to Disneyworld this weekend. I'd rather sit in my room and be left alone. I can't see being joyful, hopeful or anticipatory. Eveything is gray and will forever remain so. Purpose. I lost that with the Service. Now I just float.