Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm know i'm not alone, but sometimes it's good to hear it.
I feel stuck in a cycle of sadness and self-destruction. It starts with me starting to feel down about myself. And then I let it spiral into a place I hate.
Like feeling like I'm making new friends, and then slowly becoming convinced that everyone secretly hates me. And then people start contacting me less and less, and I shy away more and more.
Feeling like my room is a mess, cleaning it, and letting it returning to filth a few days later. Only to last for a month or 2 before I get the energy to clean it again.
Let my nails grow a little bit and then bite then till they throb and bleed and don't try to stop again for months.
Let myself forget about the times i was so sad I curled up into a ball screaming into a pillow, or that one time I was so upset I hit myself, that time I broke a mug.
I lash out by drinking until I black out. not giving a fuck if I use drugs like cocaine and pot. being promiscuous. and general lack of self-care.
Who is the real person? The one I can be if I try or the person I am when I'm experiencing these lows?
I just wish there was a way to break the cycle and stop letting myself down.
I feel stuck in a cycle of sadness and self-destruction. It starts with me starting to feel down about myself. And then I let it spiral into a place I hate.
Like feeling like I'm making new friends, and then slowly becoming convinced that everyone secretly hates me. And then people start contacting me less and less, and I shy away more and more.
Feeling like my room is a mess, cleaning it, and letting it returning to filth a few days later. Only to last for a month or 2 before I get the energy to clean it again.
Let my nails grow a little bit and then bite then till they throb and bleed and don't try to stop again for months.
Let myself forget about the times i was so sad I curled up into a ball screaming into a pillow, or that one time I was so upset I hit myself, that time I broke a mug.
I lash out by drinking until I black out. not giving a fuck if I use drugs like cocaine and pot. being promiscuous. and general lack of self-care.
Who is the real person? The one I can be if I try or the person I am when I'm experiencing these lows?
I just wish there was a way to break the cycle and stop letting myself down.
You are on a fast lane to self destruction. You better print and show your post to a medical professional ... immediately.
Life can be wonderful, but you will never see it in black out.
you need to get away from yourself. :D Get some distance. Physically changing your location to somewhere beautiful is really good. I think everyone should do it for a month a year. Heh. When's the last time you gave yourself a decent break?
I agree with Bridg about getting away. I experienced the real lows from the age of 17 to about 30 where I would freak out and do destructive things. I would drop everything and go to my moms house in Florida. Hopefully you have a getaway place where there are supportive people to greet you like i had.
GBU
D
;-O
I'm going to try my best to get away, but I'm so broke and just starting a new job. Actually, I'm short another $150 or so because I need to purchase a new phone. Last night I got super drunk and high, fell asleep (alone) on a subway and woke up 40 minutes from my house with my phone stolen. I feel so horrible and like... dirty. I'm smarter than this, but here I am.
I feel trapped in this cycle of drinking because if I don't I won't go out and I don't know how to be with people. Deep inside I'm so scared of being alone because as a kid I really felt ALONE.
I'm going to try talk therapy again, but idk... I've had at least 3 therapists in the past and it felt like it brought up really painful stuff that I never got to really resolve. I feel like therapy almost made me feel more like a victim.
Anyways, thank you all for being on here and responding. It really does mean a lot to me.
Wishing you much hope and strength to find the real you.
I didn't mind being alone in terms of just being alone, lying on my bed, reading a book... but I felt I was missing out. A terrible sense that I was failing and missing out and getting it wrong and everyone else was out there having a fantastic time without me.
Now I don't give two figs. Even so little as 2 years ago, if the neighbours threw a party I would be really down because why don't I have a life that has people in it that come visit, etc etc.
Antidepressants made a huge difference, but so did lying in bed and crying it out, and finally confronting it. Letting myself think about it. Lying there with the party going on next door, letting myself think about how I felt like I was missing out. And in the end I realised I wasn't. half the people there were probably forcing themselves to pretend they were loving it. the politics would be going on. The little wars. And the expense of the alcohol.
What about doing something productive to get to know people, like line drawing or folkart or mosaic stuff. Art or woodwork, pottery or plaster casting. A way to have social events where you meet people, a focus so you don't have to stare at them and make small talk without a topic; and a way to build and create yourself rather than destroy yourself.
That's what I would tell a younger me anyway. And I would drag them out to one of these things, and give them a whack and make them do it till they realised how much fun it is. :) If I had done this in my early twenties I might not have latched on to the first man that made me feel secure, and wasted the next 20 yrs of my life.
Heh. :D