Very sorry you are feeling this way. The world would not be a better place without you. You are a worthy person who deserves to have a happy life. Please don't hurt yourself. If something happened to you, your family and friends would be devastated. Are you seeing a professional doctor and/or therapist? Do you take medication? If you are not seeing a doctor I would recommend that you see a psychiatrist for evaluation and diagnosis.

christinaanneparker, it comes in waves sometimes for me. The up's then the down's. Med's don't work and I have tried them all. I often feel like you do. I also have this whole other side that has died and come back. I started having out of body experiences as a child. I grew up to understand it, I don't fear death. Just talk with someone, you can talk with me. I just signed on here because I can't find a close group, and a fear of lot's of people. There is a song that these lines kinda describe me by Chris Cornell .."Please, mother mercy
Take me from this place
And the long-winded curses
I hear in my head

The words never listen
And teachers, oh they never learn
My warmth from the candle
Though I feel too cold to burn

He came from an island
Then he died from the street
And he hurt so bad like a soul breakin'
But he never said nothin' to me, yeah

A'say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven
Say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven, yeah"

I hope you decide to talk...I'm just doing one day at a time..the best I can...Best Regards, Tone

It. Gets. Better. I know right now you feel like someone tied a weight to you and threw you in a pool but instead of dying, you just continually drown. People are swimming all around you easily, and every so often you can push yourself hard enough to get a gasp of fresh air. But then you're pulled back under again and it's almost worse because you tasted freedom. I get it and I know it feels like forever. But you need to distract your mind. Even for a minute, then 5, and eventually you'll fall into a routine where depression is just an annoying fly you have to swat now and then. I rock climb. I find that when I'm on the wall--all i have room to think about is how not to fall. Find something that totally takes your brain--hard hikes, good books, volunteer with kids, etc. and drown out that voice. eventually, you'll be able to tell it to Fuck Off.

You're more valuable than you realize. I'm so sorry you're going through these feelings. Have you spoken to a professional about it. That would give you someone to talk to and allow them to diagnose and perhaps prescribe meds to help you calm the thoughts. Pray that God gives you a sound mind. He can do anything, just ask Him and trust he will. But, do see a professional ASAP. Continue to post here, there's a lot of folks in this forum that can relate and can help.