Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
5 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Feeling down......wanting to find hope

Shelli2278
Shelli2278

i recently opened up to my fiancé of 6 years about wanting a second child with him....terribly.  Not only is my age working against me (38), but I have had a few abnormal test results, and was told my my doctor I'm good to go right now, but to do it soon.  I have opted to take preventative measures and have surgery in the future to be on the safe side....but I wanted to try again...one last time before I do that.  His refusing has totally broken my heart...and I feel myself getting sadder and sadder by the day. I know this does not seem like a huge issue....but I don't want this sadness to take over me...it's changing me.  I've spoken to mental health, my nurse....they all just advise me to keep talking to hubby....that's doing more harm than good.  I'm broken and don't know what to do.

Shelli2278
Shelli2278
He is a very good speaker, and did provide me with a bit of hope. However the negativity of my partner is still crushing me. I'm lying to myself every day about what I want to keep him happy, and it's destroying me.
bridgie101
bridgie101
you have 2 choices. stay with this guy and wave the idea of more kids goodbye, or leave this guy and see if you can meet someone new, and get into a strong enough relationship with them to have a child with them in time before you have to shut up shop.

I mean, you may leave this guy anyway. but from the position of wanting another child; i think that ship has sailed no matter what. I don't see it being easy for you to meet some other guy and have his child in the next year or 2 although stranger things have happened. I don't see this guy changing his mind.

Have to ask: do you understand how hard it is to have another kid at 38? And will it be an only child or will you have another to keep it company? I foresee much exhaustion. You'll be sixty at its graduation. You will never have had any time to yourself in your whole life.
bees2000
bees2000
I agree with bridge, the guy has commitment issues. What I hear from what you have written is you need love, security and he can't give this. I personally would never bring a little child into this situation. You are depressed because this reality has hit you and you are at a point in which you must decide now??? Do you feel that he has taken advantage of -maybe for a for a long time. I m sorry. There are many people who take advantage of good, loving people-givers. You deserve to feel love. You asked for hope. God is hope. Cling to God. You may have to walk out. I like to believe that every door that closes, there is another that opens. You may cry for now, but as the bible says "sorrow may edureth for the night but joy cometh in the morning.". When one walks out, it might open other's eyes. Other's may love us more than they realize. If they don't then , we know for sure. This is only my opinion.. You have to decide what to do or not to do. Good luck
Dynamaniac
Dynamaniac
Fiance of 6 years? Perhaps there is a reason why it has been so long? Do you or he have other children? Is this something you have discussed before now? These are some hard questions to answer. Is there someone else you can go to and discuss this situation with? God is your hope and your help. I would definitely take this situation to the Lord in prayer, seeking His guidance and His strength. Blessings.