Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I feel low today. My brain just feels exhausted. I think I might accidentally cry if I'm not careful. I bet my face looks miserable. I just hate my life. I'm sick of trying to stick it out. I'm really sick of trying to puzzle a way out. I wish I had someone to help me or count on other than myself.
It's getting to the point where I dread coming home from work. I wish I could get a second job so I could afford more healthcare. Insurance is a racket. It won't pay for chiropractor or phys therapy. Mental health professionals around here don't take insurance. Not my insurance, just any insurance. You have to pay 80 to 100 dollars out of pocket per session. I've tried to take antidepressants on and off over the years. They never work. They always hurt my stomach and make me throw up or mess with my sleep. Today I just don't feel right. I think the stress is going to kill me.
I've been looking at job boards online this morning. It makes me sad. My current job is the best thing to ever happen to me. It's easy and prestigious. People are proud of me. But really I don't make enough money. I can't afford everything I need. However around here second jobs are frowned on. My boss has to approve any second job I might take. My schedule makes it hard to find something. I've been looking around anyway to see if maybe I can find something. I get sick of going straight home every night then doing nothing. Lately I feel like I can't stand to be around my mom or fiance. They get on my nerves. If I got another job I would have more of my own money and less time to spend with them. I would also be more tired. And I don't see my fiance and I staying together if I was never home. What's to stop him from going out doing drugs or cheating on me if I'm not home?
It makes me sick to think about. I don't want to lose my job or have to get another job but I need money. I have no one to take care of me. All my mom does day in and day out is bitch and scheme and tattle, trying to break us up. But at same time she complains about the house and wanting me to pay for things that I don't care about and can't afford. Fiance is immature and doesn't know how to be responsible or take care of anything. I feel like I have 2 daughters that I'm stuck with.
I know I need to endure this until I find a way out but it's been years and I can't find a way. Should I go to my doctor and ask for medication? Would medication help me feel less overwhelmed and miserable? Perhaps if my brain was clearer I could think of a better action plan. I am just so tired of the people at home sucking me dry. I never get to do anything I want or go anywhere because I don't have money. I feel like I have no future. Idk what to do. I can't do this.
Maybe a visit to doctor is good idea and they can find something more forgiving with your stomach and better at calming your feelings and anxieties. I know where you are coming from wanting to have some time for yourself and to have extra monies to do things. I am in same boat. I don't have extra, I am still raising my son, and just got more for child support but that all goes towards my sons needs.
As for your mom, not sure what to say there, cause some mean well and help while your down and in some ways it seems like your mom is not real supporting right now. It may take some time but your future is still out there and it's up to you , to try and get better start on getting there. We are here for you here on DS and will support anything you decide to do, as long as it's healthy and progressive and not damaging. I hope the best in up coming days and you find a better mood to get you feeling better and less overwhelmed to make things happen right away. Things will change just give it time. Good luck, hope this helps a little
I also talked to my mom about paying the electric bill so I can afford my chiropractor visits. Things will get better. My fiance says I just need to be patient. We don't have parents to do everything for us like most people our age. It will take time to get to where we want to be. He understands about my mom. I didn't realize he took care of his mom for years when he was younger. She is in a rehab home now in another state. My mom isn't that bad off she just needs a better doctor and phys therapy. Maybe someday we can move out and she will be ok there. She needs to budget too.
I plan to really look into what my mom is spending and get her bills cheaper. I have pretty much demanded she help on utilities since she is the one home all day using water and electricity. My fiance buys most groceries and pays car payment and insurance. He also has his own bills. I don't think he needs to pay more bills. So it's a process talking to both of them. My mom is disagreeable and never wants to make changes, no matter how helpful, because that would require trying and going out of her comfort zone. I feel like I am talking to a stubborn wall but i think one of my strongest points is being determined. I keep pushing and trying. I'm trying to get them to read some of the helpful books I'm reading, but they are too lazy I guess. My mom said she read one and didn't learn anything she didn't already know. I thought yeah right I bet there is plenty in there you don't already DO. But I kept my mouth shut.