feeling like a failure.  i've worked at the same job for almost 30 years (blue collar, not too interesting or fulfilling) because i felt like i needed the money and security.  i know a lot of people do this but i feel like i wasted my life.  that i should have tried harder to pursue my dreams, taken more chances.  i did take some but i don't know. i feel horrible regret.  my youth is gone.  so many chances gone.  i feel like i let myself down, like i am a coward for not taking more risks.  i know it's not that black and white but i was just watching somehting on the internet, artists talking about not settling for security and taking risks and it made me feel really bad.  i know this doesn't seem as important as other things but in some ways it is important.  it's really important to live your life so that you can be proud of it and not have regrets.  i feel so awful and alone.  i wish i had the courage to stop living because it is so awfully painful every day, almost every second of every day.  no one can do anything about it.  i can't do anything about it.  i feel like such a needy little wimp always looking for comfort and approval. no one can give that too me.  my life is over.  i'm the one who screwed up my life.  it's too late now.