Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello, my name is Susan. I am 49 years old, and I am struggling with some inner conflicts and depression. I don't even know how to begin to explain, so I guess I will just come out with it. Basically, I feel like an oddball, because at age 49, I've never been married or had relationship with a guy. The last time I had a boyfriend was in h.s. but that doesn;t really count, because we never had sex. so yes, basically I am a 49 year old oddball virgin. I thought years ago, I was doing the right thing by holding out till someone that I want to marry, but now I'm growing increasingly frustrated,depressed and resentful. Also, being on a certain social media website does not help matters(not sure if I can give the name out, so I will refer to it as Bragbook).
. I've been to psychiatrists, counselors, etc..over the years, but it was basically a complete waste of time. All they did was throw medicine at me, and tell me the same things week after week. I am currently on Citalopram, prescribed by the dr, and that is good enough for now. I am not going to waste any more years going to psychologist/counselor who is going to tell me what I know already,and they are not understanding of this situation anyways so I would appreciate it if this is not suggested. I guess, by joining this forum I am looking for support and understanding, which I really need right now.
. I've been to psychiatrists, counselors, etc..over the years, but it was basically a complete waste of time. All they did was throw medicine at me, and tell me the same things week after week. I am currently on Citalopram, prescribed by the dr, and that is good enough for now. I am not going to waste any more years going to psychologist/counselor who is going to tell me what I know already,and they are not understanding of this situation anyways so I would appreciate it if this is not suggested. I guess, by joining this forum I am looking for support and understanding, which I really need right now.
I don't know of any way to remove your post but there is no reason to be embarrassed about your situation. Holding out for marriage is an
unusual virtuous quality rarely found today. I have good friend [male]
who is 38 yrs old and a virgin. he has always had a terrible fear of getting someone pregnant , so does not have sex even though he's in a
committed relationship. He says they "do other things" to take care of business.
People come to this site to discuss personal things and get support .
You can be be completely honest because you are anonymous.I
have revealed things here that I wouldn't tell my best friends. People here understand because we all suffer with similar problems.
I hate "Bragbook" sometimes because I see my friends who are married and happy in most areas, while I'm sitting here miserable and alone. But I can't bring myself to get off it, so I just deal.
Its sad that you feel crappy about not having "sex" really it is not a big deal "sex". Do you want a boyfriend?
If you do I would suggest going on a dating web....weaning out people by talking to them thru the dating site and even on the phone...I did it after being in a 22 year relationship it was fun...and I had many people to talk to there as well.
Go outside your comfort zone and see what happens..you can always delete your accounts on the dating sites too.
I've always thought I'd be married by now, but, of course, it hasn't happened. I know that sex isn't everything, but it's just at 49 years, I've I feel like an inadequate oddball because I never did it. Meanwhile, I have to look at all these other women, and I just feel completely inadequate when I am around them.
I think that I can completely forget about the dating scene. Men want women who look good and have their sh*t together. I haven't worked in years due to my recurrent depression, social anxiety and other phobias. Also,I've gained about 60-70 pounds over the years,(thanks to the antidepressants for that), and guys don't want to deal with someone that has these type of hang ups.
I appreciate your suggestion, though, and for many people that would be an option, but I don't see it happening for me.... Right now, I am just working on being at peace with myself.
DS has become my antidote to Facebook - what a relief to find a place where people are being real about what's going on in their lives!
Just try it...it seems that you are hurting because you haven't been with a man....they can also be good for companionship...you may meet a good friend.
That said ... yes, welcome Ms. Abby. I am glad you are among us ... and that you have kept yourself somewhat anonymous. That's a 'big thing' here on DS.
I want to tell you ... you are not 'odd' ... or 'less than' anyone else. We make decisions that are 'right' for us at the time ... and for whatever reason, you chose chastity .. at the time. There is no 'deadline' for having sex.
I urge you to look FORWARD .... because what is done is done.
>>at age 49, I've never been married or had relationship with a guy. The last time I had a boyfriend was in h.s. but that doesn;t really count, because we never had sex.
I would like to point out ... many have BEEN married and are now not. Sooooo you have lost no ground there. There are many who like you have never married ..... yet. Again, nothing lost .... except maybe time.
49 YO virgin. Is that a crime or a failure? I don't see it. Some may say you are a jewel. Does it really matter? What is done, is done.
Your future can be as you wish it to be. It depends on what you do from this day FORWARD.
Getting a 'relationship' ... happens by the thousands EVERY DAY. Then, there are thousands without one who want one very badly. It is not something we can order up. However, if we are open to it ... it can happen.
When we don't have one but want one, we think of all kinds of 'reasons' it hasn't happened. I am not attractive enough, I am not affluent enough, I am socially awkward ... blah, blah, blah.
Attractive? ANYONE can appear attractive/desirable. Think of a "non attractive' celebrity ... uhhhhh ... Phyllis Diller R.I.P
She made a career out of being gauche and 'ugly'. Now ... Google her name, and click on IMAGES where you will see the contrast of her in character ... not attractive and other images of her looking QUITE attractive.
There are super models who can look awful sometimes ... and drop dead gorgeous when 'presenting'.
As for weight ... again, many, many BBWs ... who are very desirable to men. Many.
I suggest you start out slow ... ask a suitable man to meet you at a Starbucks .... and when he says 'Why', ... you say "so we can get acquainted' If he says no .... ask another.
I guarantee you will be 'in a relationship' in a matter of weeks.
THEN ... you get to worry about his honesty, his health, his 'quality' .. just like any other woman would. Relationships are wonderful .. but initially ... can be dangerous. Be smart, careful and wise.
It is not too late, .... I assure you.
Again, . welcome to DS and this group. We love you.
I wish it was that easy just to go forward with this, but I now have low self esteem as a result of this hang up, and I am constantly comparing myself to other women,(can't help it)...
It's not that I really want to be in a relationship now(perhaps sometimes I do), but it's the fact that I've never been in a sexual relationship that makes me feel, I guess you could say inadequate(I could tell myself that I am not, but the feeling is still there). On top of that, I have social phobias, as well as other phobias, and as a result of my very low self esteem, it's hard to meet people. Heck, I even have social anxiety around my cousins.
I can't help but be bitter about this, as silly as it may sound to others. I see other people who are happy,successful, having relationships, marriages, children, careers, etc...and I can't help but be bitter about it. I know that sex isn't everything in life and I am grateful for the things that I do have , but this recurrent hang up just keeps coming back. Many times, I get angry with myself, and tell myself, "if only I had sex with my boyfriend in h.s., I wouldn't have these stupid hangups(even if it meant risking getting pregnant). I didn't realize just about everyone else was doing it, and didn't realize I would be that different. I grew up thinking guys would respect me for it, only to turn around, and see, other women getting these guys. Of course, things were a tad bit more conservative back in the 80's, and people weren't as open to talking about stuff like this(at least I didn't see it)Perhaps, I was very naive,idk...
Well, that's all for now. Thanks again for your reply!