Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My older sister and I recently had a huge falling out, we always argued but this is different. A couple of days ago we were leaving swim practice and someone needed a ride she is 16 but almost 17 so my mom lets her drive two people other than family memembers because of the law. We have or daily carpool consisting of 2 people but then she said yes to the third. When we were in the car she said you better not tell mom. A couple of days later my mom asked me about it because she tracks are phones I tried to cover up for her but she broke me and I told her. Then later that day when we were leaving a swim meet she wanted to do the same thing and said that I better shut my mouth or I'll have to find another ride (my mom hadn't confronted her yet. I said that I wouldn't but she said that I am a goody two shoes and she didn't believe me. So I sais fine I'll find another ride. Then she followed me out and two of her friends were there she said she would drive me. I said "when did you become such a teenager?" all of her friends started laughing at me so I walked out. I said I would find an other ride wih tears filling my eyes but I really just wanted to be alone. I went into a corner outside the school and started sobbing. She didn't used to be like this she used to be nice and not break the law, she used to be someone I could talk to now she is my enemy. I hate her. She called my mom and said that I have to go with her she got rid of the other person and instead of going to the team dinner like I wanted to I went home to cry in peace. When I got home my mom forced me to tell her what happened so I did because I just wanted to sleep. When my sister got home she denied all of it even the event that happened two weeks ago but my mom said that she was going to look on the app and she confessed. She was so mad at me and said that she wants to kill me, a part of me wishes that she would kill me. Now we hate eachother and she constantly says all these awful things about me. I dread coming home to her or her coming home. I am a mess and I hate this life I think our relationship is dameged beyond repair. I don't know what to do, what do you do when your life becomes hell? Please help me whenever we are around eachother we always end up fighting and she hurts me emotionally she has physically hurt me on a few ocassions. I hate my endless life of misery.
As for the driving thing, we could talk all day about the different rules imposed on younger drivers in different states, and debate their effect on accident rates and the like.
But to an extent, that is what you and your sister have been doing. She objects to the laws that govern how many people (and their ages) she can have in the car with her when she drives. It sounds like that battle will not end, not even when both of you are above the age where these restrictions apply.
Moving forward will require some help from your mother, but you will need to decide if you are willing to ride with your sister when she has "too many" people in the car. Obviously you will not be able to enforce that rule on her by yourself. If your mom sides with you, then expect your sister to hold it against you. If your mom sides with your sister, then you will need to decide if you can accept it or not.
A long time ago my wife and I went to baseball games with another couple. They drove far more "parking lot aggressive" than I feel comfortable doing. It got to me every time until I accepted that if he got in an accident it was his car that would be damaged not mine; and that the worst I would suffer from such an accident would be a delay in time getting out while he exchanged info with the other driver.
Once I looked at the real risks and who would suffer the consequences I was able to relax.
Do you think that this extra person in the car makes an accident much more likely? If you get stopped and she gets a ticket for driving with too many under age people in the car, will you suffer any consequences?
Gentle hugs
Sisters aren't there to be loved or friends in teenaged years. Sisters are there to show us a real relationship.
You are far too invested in your sister. You're too involved. Who cares who she puts in the car. Who cares if she breaks the law? Not your law. Not your job to enforce it. Why care. But you care. You're in her pocket. You're unnaturally invested and you're being that priggish little sister that gets thumped a lot.
Your relationship with her will come into its own in your 20s. Not your teens. Teens are the years you need to learn her boundaries and she needs to learn yours.
As to hitting: people can wank on about how nobody should ever hit you and all that will do is make you feel humiliated and like a failure because whether it should or not, it will. And there's nothing you can do to stop it except by your own actions. If she hits you, hit her back harder, every single time. But never hit first. If mum punishes you? look mum in the eye and tell mum she's going to have to get used to it because you're not taking any more hits from anger management girl. If you get the belt for it, take it with a smile and a thumbs up to sister. Teach sister the old way, the way we all used before the 'anti smacking' brigade came in, how to respect your boundaries, by defending them no matter what.
So defend your boundaries, but respect hers. Stay out of her pocket, and don't let her into your pocket. Earn her respect, and have some for her. Friendship will come later.
Don't be self-conscious about crying. Everybody cries. It's nothing special when you cry, by which I mean it's nothing to cry about. If that makes sense. It's just a survival mechanism your body is using for emotional stress. So do it unselfconsciously.
People who get tangled up in how much they are crying will escalate how bad they feel. Because they are no longer just feeling bad; now they're feeling bad about feeling bad.