I am sorry you are hurting so much right now... are you getting any help from your drs? Are you in therapy?

I wish I could say more other than you sound like you need to maybe need to call your dr(s). And get checked out.

Have you tried focusing less on the negatives things going on in your life and more on the positives in the world out there? Might be a good start. Works for me.

Hugs Mia

I am finding very few positives. One of my long time accounts, people of Honor or so I believed, sent me an email last week terminating my services because they sold their practice to Exceldent. Thanks for years of support, bye. That was April 6 at 5:19 pm. Next day, Exceldent was on site. With but an hours notice they let my services lapse!!!!! No warning and I am out almost a year of income there. I submitted a termination of services invoice, and they have shut up.

An executive at Aon group some time, a woman I supported in IT for a long time, said she would love to help my small business grow and she promised to send me her latest book. That was four months ago. Still waiting.

A colleague I work with has taken over an account that was supposed to be broke and is making $500 a month out of it. Deception.

Horrible. That is where my stress is coming from and why I am pounding my chest.

I understand how you feel. I have thoughts of the same about not ever wanting to be born. I wish I wasn't. You are not alone. Many people feel the same as we do.
We can't give up though. I pray things will get better for the both of us.

I thank you for your kind thoughts. I went out and had a nice lunch, came home and started right in beating my chest again. I do not want to live.

You wrote:

I thank you for your kind thoughts. I went out and had a nice lunch, came home and started right in beating my chest again. I do not want to live.

Reply: It sounds like you are in urgent need of medical attention. I think you should go to the ER or call 911. Please get help.

below is the post I was writing to you before I saw your latest post... info still relevent so I am including it on this post. Hang in there and push yourself now to do what you need to do to help yourself. Things can get better in time. Hugs.

======================================
This link has some great information on depression. You have so many issues going on in your life that anyone would become depressed and anxious with. I do hope you are in therapy. DBT can be helpful with the panic attacks you could be having.

PS with the amount of stress you are in, work closely with your dr.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=20021102-000001&page=1

pounding on your chest wont give you a heart attack, depending on how hard you pound, you may get a bruise. Millions of people are in a tough place financially right now, some living in tents with nothing. I dont know where you live, but I am certain they have some sort of helpful services and if you looked you may be able to find some wonerful help. One thing about life is that it changes and it is up to us if we look at it as a defeat, or an opportunity or a blessing. You said you have been depressed for a long time, why not go and see a professional about it? get on some anti depressants and turn things around. Trust only youself, depend on only yourself and you will never be let down.

I totally agree with her. You have to take the step and get help. Medications and counseling works. It is so hard to pull yourself up once you are down so low. But you can do it and you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to get better. Nobody else is going to so it. If you expect anyone to pull you up you are going to be even more disappointed. You are stronger then you realize!! Dont give up