Alex Manadragon:

There's nothing left to fill my nearly empty life.  My extended family all have lives, jobs, homes, and relationships of their own so I never see them anymore, my mother is finally going through a midlife crisis and is becoming forgetful; it looks similar to onset dementia and she may have carcinomas.  My father is becoming more annoying, impatient, and grumpier with time and his mother had Alzheimer's so he may be developing it as well.  If my mother is prone to cancer, like her extended family, and my father is prone to Alzheimer's then I may develop those later in life.  My father is becoming forgetful too.  My mother and father no longer like each other, they literally have nothing but children in common.  I've never had any true friends throughout my entire life, I have remained lonely and have appeared awkward to many as I have ASD and clinical depression.  Cute things make me cry, I envy every furry because they have amazing fursuits, are laid more often, have friends and enjoy each other's company especially at conventions and meetups, they get around and travel more while I'm stuck local to my state.  I see people in relationships all around me and it upsets me to the point where I feel like I slip into a catatonic state.  Also, I envy their artwork, no matter the artist, because it always looks perfected, is higher quality, and more expensive unlike mine.  I feel like I'm the wrong species as I feel like I can't handle human problems and responsibilities along with not fitting in anywhere.  I can't afford, have, nor take care of pets I would like to have to comfort me.  I also envy furries because having lots of excellent artwork and fursuits prove they get, keep, and have jobs far easier especially higher paying jobs and better education, which I can't afford nor have the will to carry out.  I can't get jack dittly squat from job applications and interviews.  I'm stuck with my 18 hours/week minimum wage job.  They are less likely to hire depressed, autistic people anyway.  My hobbies are too expensive so I either use money to survive but be bored or use it to have fun but be homeless and starving.  My youngest sister has hit puberty and is going through problems herself such as the onset of the feeling of arousal, periods, depression, mood swings, detachment.  My oldest sister is secluded and we don't communicate much, she prefers the internet.  I've tried making online friends but they never feel real as I can never see them nor meet them to hang out with them.  They are only digital, not physical.  I'm stuck in the middle of all of this.  I feel over self-conscious so I see myself as desperate, needy, whiny, petty, insensitive, which people in the past have called me.  Why am I?  I don't know.