Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm wondering if this has happened to anyone else out there. Where one day you are an important part of someone's life, and the next day, you are important anymore. When you go from talking all the time with someone, to all of a sudden barely hearing anything from them... Going from feeling like people care about you and you belong to all of a sudden be back on your own and solo, with another chunk of you missing? All because you just aren't as important anymore because that person has found a boyfriend or girlfriend? That's me, all the time. All to often, I find a new friend, mostly female, and things are good. We talk about everything, share secrets, help each other out, things friends do together. It goes on for a few months, or sometimes even years, and then they get into a relationship. They are so happy and ecstatic. You get to hear all about this guy, and how great they are, and what they are like, and sometimes you even get to see a picture of them. And then... and then they start withdrawing. All of a sudden, you go from talking with them all the time to barely managing to get them to say hello. All you can do is sit there and watch as they are happy with their new man, and forget all about you. You just become background noise. You aren't important anymore. You're expendable. You are just the one people need to be their friend until their next relationship, and then you are worthless to them. Has this happened to anyone else, or is this my curse alone? :'( This has happened to me all my life, and it's happened again 3 times in the past week. Everything is going so nicely, and now I'm by myself again. Conversations become so much harder, because now they are distracted, and I can barely have conversations with them, because I hardly get any response. It's hard to do when you receive one word answers... And when they finally talk to me, it's about how good things are going, and how happy they are with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and all I can really say is lucky you, because I am so jealous of them. Everyone's always telling me I will find a nice girl and be happy, but nobody wants to be that girl. I once asked out a girl and I got rejected because she was worried that if we didn't work out, it would ruin our friendship, and we haven't even talked in a couple of years now. Is that all I am destined to be? The convenient best friend until you can find your significant other? Just a helping hand when someone needs it until they find their feet? I don't know what to do anymore... I feel like I am losing friends left, right and center. I don't know what the point is anymore... Someone help :'( :'( :'(
Lots of fair weather friends out there also. I have had lot of friends go that said we were friends forever, What a bunch of BS meaning we all have good intentions but over time things change and so do people.
It still hurts to lose out on great friendships.
I hope you will fell better soon.
I guess that maybe if information is shared too quickly, it might spoil the depth of relationships.
My daughter goes through this alot. She's 19.
That said, many men are the jealous type and do not understand that platonic friendships can exist. I know I had many male friends in high school, all those years ago, and my romantic relationships suffered for it. Many men have the assumption that if men and women are talking, it's a prelude to sex. Maybe if you find more male friends, you will keep them longer.
You're not alone in what you're experiencing. Like others have said, people are fickle. Friendships don't last.
Annie
It sounds like you go out of your way to be "the sweet guy"
Men and woman are different for a reason...I would save all that sweetness for the woman of your dreams....pursue her! Fall in love! Take some chances! I guarantee when you romantically love someone,
your friendships and priorities will change! They should change! Your friends will have to move to the back of the bus...if they dont, it will cause problems in the relationship that really matters.
It really is healthy to re prioritize your friendships when you are romantically involved with some one. Dont take it personally when your friends move on.
Just one guys opinion. And yes, I am a "complex" male..(sensitive)
There have been times I hated this part of my personality as a man.
I lost count of how many times I was called a sweet guy by the girls I wanted to date...I do feel your pain. I mean no offence.
That being said, I met my husband through a dating service, 18 years ago. Mentally, it was something I needed to do because I just couldn't sit around and wait for someone to find me. My brother did the same and met his wife. My sister scoffed at my brother and I for a number of years and then she caved. We all married people we met through dating services.
Here are some thoughts... Although friendships have their "seasons", and it's to be expected that people will have less time for you when they get into a relationship (and never mind when KIDS come around)...although that is an unavoidable reality...quality people will not treat you like you are dispensable. If you are experiencing this a lot, perhaps there is something about these friends that draws you in, a red flag that you didn't notice. Also, it's wise to move away from the "best friends" thing...and spread your energy among several friends so that you are not overly dependent on just one or two friends.
Also, keep your expectations in check. I ran into problems with this, because...I am a really good friend, I'd do just about anything for any of my friends at the drop of a hat...and, it wasn't until I needed things from them or our friendship became less convenient that I noticed most people are NOT as loyal and committed as I am, and it's unrealistic to expect others to do what "I" would do if I were in their shoes. That doesn't necessarily mean people are "bad"....it might just mean that you are an exceptionally good friend, and you might have to adjust your expectations of others.
Also, the male/female friendship thing is VERY difficult to maintain. I know, I tend to be friends with men too. Most people in relationships are NOT cool with their BF/GF being friends with opposite sex friends, unless they're gay...so, if most of your friends are single women, then you have to expect that, when they get into a relationship, there's a STRONG likelihood their BF will give them a lot of grief about continuing to be close friends with you...it's almost unheard of for men tolerate their women being close friends with other guys. Sad, but true. It's even harder to find women who will tolerate their BFs being close friends with other women. It's possible, I've done it, but it is a very rare exception to the rule when it comes to how most people think.
Also, I hate to be the one to break this to you...because I too enjoy my platonic friendships with men, but there is so much research out there that suggests male/female friendships are not possible unless one of them is gay (and the possibility for romance is impossible). I still chase the unicorn of platonic male friendships, but they are a lot more unstable than same gender friendships, they fall apart more easily by design. It's not JUST YOU or me, if most of your friendships are with opposite sex people...the odds are against it lasting. Here is one of many articles that explain this....http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends&page=2
Good luck! Hopefully both of us will overcome these challenges with friends, at least we're not alone.