Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I adopted a kitty last year on]you<n New year's Eve. Maximus. He is the light of my life! While I was gone for two weeks visiting family my neighbor and friend stopped by to take care of him. He is very jealous and wants my attention at all times. He used to bring me great joy and peace. But right now I have no interest in bonding with him. I don't want to play with him, nothing.
Hope is diminishing daily. I like to help others because it distracts me from my own mess. Right now it's just me and Max. That's it. My heart aches for human contact but my anxiety keeps me from going outside. The only time I leave my house is for Dr and therapy appointments.
I put on a mask everyday to hide the truth. I'm miserable! I have leathal means to kill myself but I don't have the energy to act on my plan.
Does it really fucking matter anymore? I've been fighting non stop for so long! I'm so tired not only physically but emotionally as well. I'm spent! I don't know how to fill myself up again? What do you guys do? I have no energy to do anything. I have a passion for creativity but no energy to do anything!
No matter how much sleep I get nothing changes. I just get more tired!
I'm dissociating on a regular basis to where I've lost huge chunks of time or a whole day. I don't remember anything! I'm lost I'm tired and I honestly don't know what to do?
I cannot fight this alone!!!!!!! Whatever 'this' might be?
I long for human contact or even a spark of energy. I hate this pathetic life I've created and I don't see my way out. I don't see or feel anything but deep shame and excruciating failure. I don't know who I am anymore! I feel like I've slid backwards a thousand feet in a matter of weeks.
I don't know how or why but I just keep breathing.
I REALLY do not want to go back inpatient! I'm seeing my therapist twice a week. I'm trying to get into seeing him three times a week for now until I can find a sliver of hope.
I'm in my deep dark dungeon of severe depression, high anxiety, physical pain and living hell. I'm to scared to come out cause I don't know what that's going to look like?
Today would
D$"ave been my Son's 12 birthday. I lost him at 22 weeks. I had to deliver my dead baby boy. Colton Joseph. My heart literally is torn into pieces.
I'm a Christian and I know one day I'll see my baby boy again. I just want heaven sooner than later. I know Christ loves me unconditionally. I see it there but I don't know how to grab it?
HELP!
Mike
Okay, so you know I'm atheist. So to me, THIS is all there is. And if there's going to be a difference made...someone has to do it. We ALL touch each other in small and big ways everyday.
You may not know it, but through your impact on me, you've had an impact on my children. They know a bit more about the terrors of abuse because of your typed words. I have an impact on my kids. Who knows what impact my children will have on others?
Maybe none...but maybe...just maybe...it will make ALL the difference in someone else's life. A child not hit. Angry words not said. Crimes not committed. Just because you don't always see the impact...doesn't mean that it's not there.
I'm atheist. And don't believe in a tomorrow. I won't go to heaven, nor will my kids. But for my time here on Earth...I will do what I can to care and help. I matter. You matter. Your son matters.
Happy Birthday to little Colton Joseph!!
Heartfelt hugs, Patti
Well you can, but you're wasting your time.
You say you're a Christian. Now one of the real benefits of being a Christian is to be able to say 'God's doing this for some kind of reason. I have NO IDEA what this reason is. But I'll go with it for now.'
You say you can't fight. What are you fighting? You're not fighting anything. If your body is saying 'sit at home alone' then just sit at home alone. Rest. Sleep. Do jigsaw puzzles, knit, sew, watch incessant 1980s cannibal movies on youtube.
Regroup. Find yourself. Hit bottom.
When you've hit bottom there's nowhere to go but up. So don't fight the rip, just relax and let it happen. Find out what it is that God is wanting you to learn by putting you in that house, for this time.
You seem to have these rules and expectations. to be fair I think we all do. We do all these silly things to stop ourselves deteriorating because we don't trust the process. We wear ourselves out fighting the rip. We exhaust ourselves, become entirely negative and hysterical, because we can't just relax and float with it.
But the process is evolutionary, if you're not a Christian, and designed by God if you are. So you may as well just relax into it, and let it be a thing that happens in your life. You don't know what it's for unless you let it take you on its journey.
I've just spent 3 weeks home alone and I feel like I've just hit bottom now and can start to come back up. I have done this before though, and I followed a theory, and it worked. The last time I was at home, it took me 3 months. 3 months of just trusting my body, trusting the system to do its thing. Trusting that for every down there is eventually a natural up. Trusting Darwin, trusting God, trusting whoever or whatever force you or I think is out there, making apples bob up to the surface and fish fall from the sky. There's a natural balancing function on this earth. you don't have to understand it, and it's best if you don't think about it - but just get out of its way and it will see you right.
So stop fighting that rip dear. Let yourself wallow. Let yourself cry, and suffer, and get through this stuff. when it's behind you you'll find you are going out and enjoying yourself with other people again. It's just that now is not the time.