Sorry to hear you are in this situation too Anna. In Australia aging on your own is complicated by hearing horror stories about aged care homes and an undercurrent of contempt for us. Disabled people are at similar risk for abuses. I am determined not to end up in one and started researching alternatives. I decided to go to Mexico for the end of life options but ended up realising it would be a good place to live instead. They apparently respect older people, it’s cheaper to live and pay for help, great medical care and their government actually wants us there unlike in Australia where we are a burden. I don’t know if it’s an option for you but I have nothing and nobody to lose so I am trying to get there in 3 years when I qualify for the aged pension. I hope you can find what works for you.

sounds good looney.....hugs

thank you for your post Looney. we have the same things in the USA. horror stories of old folks homes, and contempt. if you're old you're in the way. i'm 55. no one has ever really liked me or looked out for me my whole life. I've been healthy and strong when young so I just pushed through on my own but now, my body is deteriorating. I don't know if I could go to Mexico. it sounds too hard for me. I am afraid of being abused by strangers and family as I grow older. my sister is a sociopath and would love to do anything and everything she could to destroy me. my brother is also extremely cold, has been living over seas for 30 years. I've asked him to come back so he could be here for me and told him I'm having a really hard time and he said no, he didn't offer to do anything. I always thought when it got to this point I would kill myself but I am finding I am too scared to do that too. the only kindness I find is on this site. I dislike my therapist too. she's not a very nice person. I get along with animals but can't afford to have any pets anymore. you are brave to move to mexico on your own. I could never do that. I am so scared of what is going to happen to me. i'm afraid i'm just going to be calling acquaintances and asking them for help or begging strangers to let me be part of their family. I don't want to be so degraded. I have been thinking a lot about ending my life. even now when I check out groceries I sometimes talk too much and too intimately with the cashier almost compulsively because i am so lonely. the cashier and people in line give me weird looks and I feel awful. how to do kill myself so it doesn't scare me that much but there is no easy way. I just don't have the guts. loneliness and being alone is so awful. so degrading and destructive. also, all the professional people I have gone to, doctors, therapists have completely let me down. they'd let me die on the street if they saw me out there. it's so frustrating because I am a decent person and don't deserve this. I've always thought it would be good to have a group of women in this same situation form a club that meets once a week or something just to be each other's "family" but in reality, nothing can substitute for a real family and if you don't have that you're screwed. thank you for writing me. I am spiraling out of control. not everybody makes it. i'm actually surprised I've survived this long.

I always think it's best to plan ahead for sure. My husband and I have problem conceiving and it's likely that we won't have any, but I always think it's unfair for children to bear the burden of taking care of their parents, even though it's the right thing to do. But having kids are no guarantee either that they will take care of you some day cos you might have shitty kids (thinking about how my aunts and uncles treated my grandparents in the end).

What do you think about living in a 55+ community? I visited a relative in one of these neighborhood and there are some pros and cons, like everything else. The cons: You get nosy neighbors. Old people tend to not have much to do in their day and you'll see them sitting outside on the porch, just staring at your house. They also like to talk and gossip, so you always feel like you need to be perfect. I guess that's what idle people do. The pros: Those nosy neighbors will also be the ones to help you if something bad happen to you. The community is usually quite close, they encourage activities and interactions so that you won't be alone all the time and of course, make new friends.

Also, I think it would be good if you could join some sort of Meetup groups in your area. It helps to know people, and you might just find people who can expand your options too. Making new friends/acquaintances is not a bad idea either.

zee zee thanks for writing. I think going to a older people's community right now would bum me out because I am still a young/old person you know? I just am not ready for that yet psychologically and even physically, at this point I am still independent but it's definitely something to consider at some point. it's too bad because i'm the kind of person who would have been happiest with a few close family members in my life to be there for me, i'm very shy and private, and so being alone and relying on friends doesn't feel at all good to me. I almost think I might do better being alone in a house or apartment somewhere and not being in such a social setting. I actually am having trouble believing this has happened in my life. it is so extreme and so awful really and I am so not equipped to handle it. it seems odd because in some ways I am a fairly normal person, go to work, went to college for a few years, am fairly normal looking and probably average intelligence, nice for the most part, good sense of humor when you get to know me, very generous... and yet, here I am, just cast out really. on the outside. I honestly can't think of much that is scarier. i'm someone who needs love, connection, intimacy. without that, I wonder what would happen to me. I think I would farily quickly not be able to work, would be lost and at the mercy of the system or on the street. how odd that that would happen to me. I was an honor student, ran a non profit, held a job for almost 30 years, am fairly well read, … just normal stuff you know. and to wind up in such an extremely vulnerable and isolated situation just doesn't add up to me... but there is it. I am telling you, I am not the kind of person who will be able to handle it. I am not that strong and if I am not strong enough to end my life... that's what scares me. my quality of life would be so bad, like a gorilla in a cage by itself in a research lab or some god awful thing like that... I never could make anyone love me. how I wish I could release all those gorillas and monkeys and reunite them with their families. my heart breaks for them. they are such sensitive creatures. that's the only other thing I could think of doing so that I wouldn't feel so alone is live with a pack of wolves or something but it's not realistic. i'm too old for that.