Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have never been formally diagnosed because I always seem to lack health insurance. Maybe one day, but the time I did go to the doctor and explained my symptoms they just through an SSRI at me which I am too afraid to take.
On a scale from 1-5 with 5 being happy and 1 being miserable, most my life is a 4. I feel like I am always just a bit depressed but it isn't much to really affect me all to much. But then sometimes, I go through these little episodes. Sometimes they have a trigger other times they don't. I have had about 5-7 in my life. I have been currently going through one since Wednesday so four days now.
The thing is though, it's not like what most people describe as depression. I don't feel bad about myself, feel worthless or guilty like a lot of websites say. It's jut like a hue of gray has consumed my world. I constantly have tense feeling in my chest, choked up throat, so no appetite. I get really bad sleep maintenance insomnia where I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night extremely tense and anxious and can't go to sleep and I just feel well, sad, but there isn't a reason. I try to think about normal stuff but my mind ends up being drawn back to the fact that I don't feel right. I worry about it, getting a sense of impending doom. Sort of like a panic attack but I manage to control it so it doesn't become a full blown attack. I also don't find joy in doing things that I normally would. Like for example, when I get off work I'd normally have a "yes! finally" rush, but when I am going through an episode it's just kind of like: "well, I guess it's time to go home". I feel trapped in my head and it scares me more than anything in the world. It's always the worse in the morning (feeling like a 1) during the day I kind of go back in forth between 2-3 and by the evening time, some days I will feel like a 4 or maybe a 3. I go to sleep wake up suddenly (usually between 2:30-4:00 am) and the cycle repeats. It is really hard to explain in words the feeling besides just "bad" ha, kind of sucks but there has to be something wrong with my chemicals for me to feel this way suddenly after a year or two of feeling fairly normal.
Any input or advice is appreciated. Thanks!
On a scale from 1-5 with 5 being happy and 1 being miserable, most my life is a 4. I feel like I am always just a bit depressed but it isn't much to really affect me all to much. But then sometimes, I go through these little episodes. Sometimes they have a trigger other times they don't. I have had about 5-7 in my life. I have been currently going through one since Wednesday so four days now.
The thing is though, it's not like what most people describe as depression. I don't feel bad about myself, feel worthless or guilty like a lot of websites say. It's jut like a hue of gray has consumed my world. I constantly have tense feeling in my chest, choked up throat, so no appetite. I get really bad sleep maintenance insomnia where I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night extremely tense and anxious and can't go to sleep and I just feel well, sad, but there isn't a reason. I try to think about normal stuff but my mind ends up being drawn back to the fact that I don't feel right. I worry about it, getting a sense of impending doom. Sort of like a panic attack but I manage to control it so it doesn't become a full blown attack. I also don't find joy in doing things that I normally would. Like for example, when I get off work I'd normally have a "yes! finally" rush, but when I am going through an episode it's just kind of like: "well, I guess it's time to go home". I feel trapped in my head and it scares me more than anything in the world. It's always the worse in the morning (feeling like a 1) during the day I kind of go back in forth between 2-3 and by the evening time, some days I will feel like a 4 or maybe a 3. I go to sleep wake up suddenly (usually between 2:30-4:00 am) and the cycle repeats. It is really hard to explain in words the feeling besides just "bad" ha, kind of sucks but there has to be something wrong with my chemicals for me to feel this way suddenly after a year or two of feeling fairly normal.
Any input or advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Buspar: Anxiety
http://www.drugs.com/buspar.html
Lithium: Mood swings
http://www.drugs.com/lithium.html
Viibryd: Depression (less side effects)
http://www.drugs.com/comments/vilazodone/viibryd.html
... but the tool I use to change emotions is called "grounding". You force yourself to pay attention to something else, not think at all, until the train of thought/emotion loses grip.
I also stay away from indulgant-music, and lean more towards molding-music.
See a professional
http://www.needymeds.org/free_clinics.taf
so well on my depression}.There are also pure anxiety meds like the Benzos that don't affect depression , also Buspar ,an anxiety med that's the only one in its class. A good doc can figure out whats best for you.