I know of a person your age with the same loss of spouse issue. She is not clinically depressed yet she does attend a group regularly of similar grievers. I am clinically depressed and volunteer to talk to ICU step down patients every week. When I got past how depressing this work can be I found that I could offer help to people that was also applicable to me. This has empowered me and has become an avocation to cure me of loneliness in old age. You can and will find a way to cope. I have seen many do so.

I would recommend talking to your councillor about helping push you through the grieving cycle, yes it is an actual cycle. It is good as it will eventually ease the pain.

I hear ya I have not the same situation but am sure it is a process that must come to end....closure is so important...this years Christmas gift to my mom hopefully gave her some closure to my dad dying in 09...I gave her a flag display box for dads military funeral flag...I felt so good to give that to her...she can now say it is over with the death of my dad...she is 91 now

When I lost my parents, it took me 10-years to get over the innitial grieving process, but this was also cause I was still a kid at the time. After which time I was able to get on with my life again. But because loosing my parents also meant that all my family was gone except for 1 person, it has left an everlasting effect on me, a wound which I don't think will ever heal.

But the point I am trying to make is I bounced back, just as you will bounce back. The pain is just greater now because you are dealing with the loss as of recent, but time will heal you enough to keep on truckin eventually, I promise. I am sorry that I can not speak from the perspective of loosing a spouse, but thats because I never had one, much less a real date.

But don't give up hun, try to hold on, I know you can do it, I have faith in you. Please do this for me will you? Just hold on, its going to be ok, I promise.

My situation isn't the same as I haven't lost a spouse, but maybe it will give you some hope anyway. I was dealing with clinical depression when I lost my father to cancer 3 years ago. It was rough and I thought I'd never get over it, but the grieving process did end for me after some time.

Thanks to all for sharing. What I see is that there is hope. The grieving has been hard for all of us. I am sorry for all your losses and your pain. It is reassuring to me that you have all survived and maybe have reached a measure of peace again. Maybe I will too someday.

Fist of all...big hugs!!!!! Grieving is a very personal process, and it differs for us all. I lost dad 19 years ago, my brother in 2011 and my mom in July. My grief felt different for each one of them. The one that was most difficult was my brother, he was only 45 and we were supposed to grow old together.(There is more to the story but I'll spare you). Same thing with a spouse. You are so early in the grieving process dear. And it WILL take some time. I became stuck....and what helped me was one on one counseling and a bereavement group. i tried 2 before i found one that worked for me. My feelings were not judged, and people felt the same way I did about it all....and that surprised me because i remember thinking no on could possibly be hurting like I was. i find myself in deep grief again as we speak...i lost one of my best friends one month ago. I am feeling that despair again, that feeling that I will never get through this and want to smile.....but I got through it before, right? And i think you will too. Please do not worry about a time frame for grieving.....you have a right to grieve....get more help if necessary....that smile will come back.

I don't think you ever get over a death of someone that you loved. I think you just learn to live life with a dark spot on your heart. I think counciling is excellent someone neutral to talk to but Meds is just softening a natural process (grief) and will cause more problems in the long run like being dependent on a drug, etc.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 37 YEARS.
I HAVE AN IDEA WHAT U R GOING THRU, SWEETIE.
HUGS
DRENA B
;-O

DianeM., I'm so sorry for your losses. I never really thought about grieving being different for different losses, but you are right. I am continuing therapy for my existing depression and for grieving. I'm not sure if my increase in meds is doing any good or not, 'low-tide" because I certainly do not feel any less anxious or depressed. I've been on a lower dose for years. I guess I am dependent on them, but apparently I need them to keep the depression at bay and to function. I also was prescribed an anti-anxiety med that I can take as needed. Truthfully, I need them every day as I can barely get out of the house and moving. However, I have chosen not to take them more than 1 or 2xs a wk, because I am afraid of being addicted to them. Depression and anxiety coupled with grieving is awful. It is a scary place and I am searching for relief.

I've never been married and never lost a lifetime partner. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I have experienced grief because someone died. I practically worshipped my grandfather, looked up to him and wanted to be just like him. He died 16 years ago when I was 16. I still miss him. I talk to him like he's here sometimes. I will always miss him. That never goes away.

But like another poster said there is a grieving cycle with stages of grief. And you don't go through each stage just once, at least not usually. This just happened. It will take time to deal with such a significant loss.

Here's a link on the stages of grieving:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

This may be helpful too:
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/emotionalsideeffects/griefandloss/coping-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-depression-and-complicated-grief

Be kind and patient with yourself and know that your feelings are normal. You may want to seek out a support group for bereavement. Call your local hospital info line. They may have some groups or other resources.

Death is one of the most painful things that we can ever face in our lifetime, and I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Although, I have experienced intense grief at different times in my life, it has never been due to the death of a spouse. So my heart goes out to you, as I can only imagine what it must feel like to lose a mate you've been so intimately connected with for such a long time.

I think you are doing the right thing in continuing with your therapy sessions and following your doctor's advice regarding the medication. On top of that, do you have a personal support system that you could reach out to -- family, friends or church members in the area? Even if they don't have a similar grief situation, they might still be able to offer what they can to help you get through these dark days.

I don't know how long your grief will last or if your depression will complicate the process. I, truly, don't believe anyone could answer that question with any candor or accuracy since as individuals we have different pain thresholds and our emotional makeup is unique to us and reflects our own personal experiences.

There is a resource that comes to mind, that I would like leave with you in case you are interested. You can find it here: http://bit.ly/1VCI6ie.

Please know that I'm praying for you and trusting that God will see you through this. He is able.

You got that right......depression is bad enough without adding grief in the mix. Keep with the therapy. Keep talking to us. One day at a time....heck ...one minute at a time. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.