Your post made me feel so sad, it's hard to hear from the other side. I'm sorry this guy doesn't want to see or talk to you. Depression has so many hurtful symptoms that affect everyone around us. Isolation runs deep with depression, at least for me. Maybe I still have my people around me, but I have a tendency to push them away when I'm in the mist of my despair. Writing that kind of sounds corny, but it's true. Severe depression interferes with reality for me, too. My meds help a lot. I hope he understands you want to be there for him. If not, maybe he'll realize it when his depression subsides. He's fortunate to have you. Hang in there and make sure you take care of yourself, too.

Thanks for your response - it helps a lot !!!!! That's exactly how he describes it - despair and exactly what he does ....isolation. It's not corny but its your truth your reality. He wants me to leave him be and take care of me but I'm taking care of me and I still want to support him.
I'm sorry you feel that sadness and despair - I hope your mind clears up.

depression comes in many ways, we have to learn to deal with it and get on with our life. sorry this person is hiding from his depression. hope he gets over it and comes out to you, he needs some one like you to keep depression out of his mind. i deal with panic attacks, its tough. i take Clonazepam for my panic attacks it helps but know and then i get them in the afternoon for no reason. i learn to deep breath and blow out like a candle burning, do something to get my mind off my panic attack. seems to work but very scary when having one. hospital visits and Dr thinking i am having a heart attack, all looks god for heart. OK know they know its a panic attack. for depression, i have that also but life is full of depression. work, bills, weather, news, taxes. i try hard to keep my self busy going out to see friends and talk have coffee and chat and watch the horse racing or a good show he is watching. this is working for me for being depressed. i am a medically retired person with open heart surgery a few years back. on permanent disability so i have all the time in the world to enjoy it. see friends and get out and enjoy life while you can. hope your friend reads this and realizes he is waiting his life away

I was in a relationship with a bi-polar woman for many years and often felt I could help her overcome the disability. I was not able and had to become resigned to the fact that these illnesses cannot be solved with medicine or therapy. I am sorry you went so long with this person and had to find out that things would not improve. The separation is part of the illness. Resuming the relationship MAY cause problems down the road that you will be equally unable to solve.

@hawkns - thanks for your kind words
I'm glad you are able to manage your depression and enjoy life - that gives me hope that someday he'll fine that middle ground. He doesn't want outside help - he thinks he can manage it on his own.
@djchurn - I know you are right, we can't fix them and I know it's a tough road and a lonely path. They also deserve to be love, comfort and hope that things could get better.
I'm not ready to quit yet even though that might be the final outcome.

show up on his doorstep adn tell him this isn't about what he wants, this is about what you want, and he'd better hop to it and give you a hug or you'll beat him. Try hard to access his sense of humour if you can, but relatively gently.

find out what sort of depressive he is. Does talking help him? Offloading his issue? It works very well for me and having to stay silent has been hard for me.

I have severe depression too and have battled it for 25 years non-stop so I understand the need to pull away from people. It makes no sense at all that you can feel so alone and yet need to pull away from people at the same time. The thing is if this guy were really suffering that badly he would accept help. He'd be desparate to feel better and would try anything. It sounds like he can at least still function and take care of things and yet still chooses to be alone. Maybe try bridgies idea of showing up at his door and find out what's going on. Tell him you care and want to be there for him. Does he drink coffee? A trip to Starbucks always worked for me when I didn't want to leave the house.

Thanks guys!!!!!! Reading your stories and suggestions really help.
@bridgie101 - he talks but not about his depression or how he feels - at least not often
He does responds well to humor - if I get to emotional he shuts off - your recommendation totally resounds with me and it sounds like something he'll respond to.
@heidi - I'm sorry you are battling this disease - he has battling this disease for a long time and the way he describes it sounds like he is in total darkness - he exercises, yoga, watches his diet but he don't believe in medication - he prefers the natural approach which is not working!!!! But he doesnt want to listen. He goes to work and the gym and I guess functions - I don't think he'll hurt himself but he says he doesn't love himself and sometimes when he goes to sleep he wishes he never wakes up. His decision to stop seeing me is that he always causes pain and suffering to the people he care about due to his condition so he prefers been alone that way he is not hurting people.

Yeah that's really typical. Tell him you like pain and suffering.

@playerapr - Depression is a hard thing to understand and since it affects everyone differently it can be challenging to know in what way or how to reach someone. While you may not have the answers, most everyone will respond to simple kindness and a willingness to show compassion. Sometimes it's hard to love those who won't let you. I pray he will find the strength to reach out and try and get help to get back on the path of life and living. You'll both be in my prayers.

There is a depression supporters group here at DS you might want to check out. Also make sure you are taking care of yourself too. It's all too easy to get so caught up in the suffering and sickness of the ill person that you lose yourself completely.

Thank you thank you guys!!!!! I've read a lot and I know depression its really hard to understand. I won't try to completely understand but offer my compassion and support. Even when I feel sad, I've been taking care of me, living my life, I can't let my emotions spiral out of control.
I did reached out to him thru humor and he answered back but I have to thread carefully cause if I get emotional that's when he pulls completely away.
I will check the depression support group.
Once again wishing peace and healing to all you guys suffering from depression.