Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have recently been diagnosed with bpd
I am also a rape victim- it happened when I was 15- and have gone through physical and emotional abuse from both my brother and mother growing up. I am now 24.....
Growing up I also knew of a handful of people who committed suicide. I had friends who cut and were bulimic/anorexic. I was among those people and still continue to have binge eating disorder and body dysmorphia to this day. I have severe anxiety abou everything. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my skin. I have felt suicidal lately- mostly due to my bpd. A year ago I lost the love of my life. I convinced myself I would never be with anyone else and when he left me I instinctively blamed him. I haven't been able to connect with my friends or men since. I push people away the second they get close to me....and I have lost everyone from my life except from my family. I am only now starting to realize that I am the cause of all of my suffering. That my ex deserved to leave me, and so did my friends. Who could stand having me in their life? Someone who is so depressed and isolated who has so much baggage and mood swings constantly, who can't regulate their anger or happiness. I worry that I may have bipolar disorder and I have essentially driven myself crazy. I feel like every day I am at war with myself. People see me when they first meet me and they think im so friendly and sweet and helpful and selfless and outgoing....but when they start to get close I explode and I push them away. I feel constant paranoia that everyone hates me or is against me. If I go on a date and I don't hear from him for a week I will bombard him with texts asking why I deserved his unfair treatment. Everyone calls me crazy, and I don't think anyone will ever see the goodness in me. I can't even see it myself anymore. I think that anti depressants will hold me over temporarily for a few years, but my inability to come to terms with my past and my self hatred and loneliness will eventually make me kill myself.
I am also a rape victim- it happened when I was 15- and have gone through physical and emotional abuse from both my brother and mother growing up. I am now 24.....
Growing up I also knew of a handful of people who committed suicide. I had friends who cut and were bulimic/anorexic. I was among those people and still continue to have binge eating disorder and body dysmorphia to this day. I have severe anxiety abou everything. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my skin. I have felt suicidal lately- mostly due to my bpd. A year ago I lost the love of my life. I convinced myself I would never be with anyone else and when he left me I instinctively blamed him. I haven't been able to connect with my friends or men since. I push people away the second they get close to me....and I have lost everyone from my life except from my family. I am only now starting to realize that I am the cause of all of my suffering. That my ex deserved to leave me, and so did my friends. Who could stand having me in their life? Someone who is so depressed and isolated who has so much baggage and mood swings constantly, who can't regulate their anger or happiness. I worry that I may have bipolar disorder and I have essentially driven myself crazy. I feel like every day I am at war with myself. People see me when they first meet me and they think im so friendly and sweet and helpful and selfless and outgoing....but when they start to get close I explode and I push them away. I feel constant paranoia that everyone hates me or is against me. If I go on a date and I don't hear from him for a week I will bombard him with texts asking why I deserved his unfair treatment. Everyone calls me crazy, and I don't think anyone will ever see the goodness in me. I can't even see it myself anymore. I think that anti depressants will hold me over temporarily for a few years, but my inability to come to terms with my past and my self hatred and loneliness will eventually make me kill myself.
I have a book that I'm reading called "The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorder" by Joseph Santoro, PH.D.
This book will explain what happened to you when you experienced your childhood. It can teach you the way it's suppose to be. It also helps you organize all the details of your past, present and hopes of the future.
You probably don't know who you are. You don't know why you are the way you are, and you don't know how to change these undesirable traits.
First off, you are not to blame. Your childhood derailed your development. You can get it back if you focus on walking through it detail by detail with the knowledge of the way things should be.
I'm the same way. I ran out of a CHURCH, crying all the way home, because a stranger introduced herself to me. I thought, "If she only knew what a mess and loser etc etc I was, she wouldn't talk to me.".....I kept thinking, "Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me right now....."
This book is making me feel better. But, it's also a work book. There's some work. But, it's well worth it, I'm guessing. At the least, it can help you understand how you got this way, and give you some ways to cope.
One of the first exercises in the book is saying 7 affirmations 10 times each in the morning and in the night. It's to help you more naturally think positive......He says that over at least 6 weeks, you should see improvement.
1. I am not to blame for being the way I was.
2. I am responsible for changing myself.
3. I want to change.
4. I feel better when I face my inner pain.
5. I can change. I will change. I will never, never, never, never give up.
6. I am a good person and I will prevail.
7. I believe in who I am and what I think.
It's just a taste of what this book does. But, there are groups, too. Mindfulness is something used to control "emotional crisis".....
I'm sorry you lost your bf and friends......I did too.......But, everything is going to be ok. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever give up.