I am a 27 year old married woman. My parents divorced when I was 22, after being together for 25 years. I am still extremely angry and depressed. My depression is more like dysthymia. It's constant. I try to hide it most of the time. No one wants to hear me whine about it. But their divorce has changed me. I will never be the same. I used to have complete faith in family, I used to believe a man and woman could really love each other until death. I don't even look at my own husband the same way, which is the saddest part. When we got married at age 20, my family was still intact. We were the lucky ones... the ones with successful marriages. Now I am insecure every day that my husband will wake up and realize he doesn't want me any more.

It makes me sad because I'm now afraid to strive for, or dream of, the "good things" in life. Because my parents had it all... nice homes, a nice family, faith, health, wealth, and look what it led to... divorce and a big fat mess that will never be cleaned up. I feel that if I strive for a good life, I will jinx myself and lose it all. Better to just be stagnant. For example, I used to dream of having children with my husband. Now, I feel like what is the point? It will all come to ruin in the end... and that would be more painful than anything...

I want to cry in my bed like a baby, saying I want mommy and daddy. The ones I used to have, the ones I will never see again. Because they've changed and I've changed and my brother has changed... and I just can't cope. I want my old self back. I want to be done grieving. I want a counselor but I can't afford it. I am a Christian and I rely on God a lot, I don't know where I'd be without Him, but I wish I had some people to relate to.

Depression is just a way of life any more...