it is very hard to be in the model trying to fix everything ...when no one else if ..corpse rating ..or helping ...it can tear you apart ..I know only to well that what I went through ......it came a point in time when my doctor told me if I want to get better than I had to be number one and my h number two and the rest dident count .......but by than all our children were growen and had families of there Owen ....and the doctor was right ..................your case is a little diferant ..........I don't know how to answer your post because I don't have enough information .....to ..have an opinion ......I just know you are in a realy hard place ................and so thing has to give ........so I don't know if you are willing to give any more information ....or if you are just ...having a good rant ...and that is a good thing ........I will check back to see if you right any more .....take very good care of your self ......I will keep you in my prayers ....God bless

Current problem just got resolved. Other current problem still here. Some time ago mom started getting calls from former empoyee. Business doesnt exsist now. He is threatening to sue her. His doctors said his current health problems are from the stuff he used to get up gasoline or the stain from parking lot. She wont hang up on him. Doesnt want police or lawyer involved. She decided to stop answering the phone. For a few weeks i was happy with this. I felt stressed each time i called mom. And she insisted i call everyother day. Cause she was frail and alone. Now i am going to arizona. She says she will call me. I said i could let phone ring five times then hang up and call again and let ring five times. She says no. The person harasing her might do that. She doesnt have caller id or answer machine. Ill try to get her to acept one when i get back. But i know she will have a negati e responce to both chioces. Husband doesnt know yet. He expects me to call mom when get to hotel. And will ask me if i did. Dont want to lie. Will get anger from husband. Make her get caller id. Call police and make report if she wont or force her to report to police. Mom is in right mind. Nobody can force her to do anything.
Barbars

Have you tried being stern with your mother? In the right dose (only you know what you can pull off) it can be rather effective.

Continuing hugs

I just had another thought, perhaps you can have your husband sitting next to you listening to both ends of the conversation so he can hear first hand just what you are dealing with. If you do this, perhaps make him agree to be silent during the conversation.

Then, if he still does not get it perhaps he can make a call to your mom where he talks and you listen silently.

buy her a cheap cellphone.

problem solved. Only you and she will have that number.

Sorry Pepperman - I have a mother too.

You can't make a leopard change it's spots. Especially after 70. Their brains are stuck in a groove and they know they can't change. there is absolutely no point fighting, it's wasted breath and energy.

A cellphone would be a plan. she can stop using her home phone, basically, and use the cell. Get her on a cheap prepay plan, plug a few chargers around her house so she can find them, and she will be okay.

:)

Our parents can change! Several people in the Caring for Aging Parents have managed to pull that off. It takes time and effort, but it can be done.

Well I spose the example I got could have been a bad one. pigheaded all my life. convoluted, ptolemaic. Maybe this mum can change, but what's the point. If she doesn't answer her phone ever, he will fizzle. hopefully without stirring up a hornet's nest. If she hangs up on him, she will incite him.

So either someone needs to buy her caller ID, or she needs another phone. She's an old lady alone: she really does not want any escalation of any kind at all. Especially with the anxiety, which makes things like legal battles most outrageously exhausting.

:)

She is moderately hard of hearing. I dont think the senior citizen cell phones will work for her. I am going to get her caller id. I don't think she has it. But I know I will get negative answers from her. I'm going to tell her if you can't see all the numbers well on caller id. That my area code will tell you it's not the man harasing you. He lives locally. Guess I'll have to go from there. I'm depressed about going to Arizona and I want to be happy.

Barbara

Have you returned from your trip?

I really hope that it went (or is going) well for you.