Hugs, Dear. Hope you feel better.

Hi Rachel,

Good Rant, vent and complaint.
This is the place for it.

I'll give you my three and a half cents as a man, okay?

Tell him you need to talk to him. Whether you have already 20 times or not. Do it again. Be serious and sound serious.

Tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. And I don't mean how you feel about possibly NOT being in love anymore. (Leave that out).
We all feel at times that we are out of love. Relationships become boring and dull. Often people stay in a relationship out of habit or finances or they just don't want to go through the hassle of ending it.
Still, in many relationships, couples fall in and out of love for one another, over and over.
I think that's where your at.

Tell him how you feel. Ask him what's holding him back from enjoying a weekend or longer away from home. Traveling and making plans.

One of the best things in a newish relationship, is the dreams and plans that a couple make together. Once there's nothing to look forward to, it becomes droll and dull.

Have a good talk, without getting angry or sarcastic. If he gets that way, remain calm and then continue.

Don't put it off.....

If your tired often, get some good vitamins for energy and to fight fatigue.
Try and get him to take them also.

Make this happen, and if its just a short trip for the weekend. Then you've broke the ice and plan the next one.

Good luck!

Rachel, have you considered signing in with a tour group? You can begin to go to the places you yearn for. Most groups have some women traveling alone, so you will have company all along the way. Your 20 y/o; ask what he wants to do. Lots of careers without a degree. I would give him the same choice my parents gave each of us. College or a job, and contributing to the household. My parents actually put my payments to them into an acc0unt, unknown to me, and when I got on my own, they then gave me that as my start up money. Comforting hugs as you look at possibilities.

What about on the weekends can you both find free time to connect on the weekends? Maybe
you cannot get it going (making love) cause you have a kid in the house--its a little well maybe
spice it up- you both plan and meet at a restaurant and then a fancy hotel or bed and breakfast
maybe something spontaneous? Sometimes when I feel crappy I make it a rule when I open my
eyes in the morning- before I complain to ask myself what I am thankful for and then challenge myself
to show that I am thankful for all these things..................... during my day.You have the option to switch
careers or reinvent or rebrand yourself and do what you dreamed of always pursuing.12 years is a long
time. Your comment is on-sided though so I do not think that you may want to throw in the towel? Like
just cause it is not like it was in the beginning. No one ever told you- After 7 years its like your work is
is just starting.Most relationships are prone to going boring-- the key is figuring it out-figuring what key
opens him up and him knowing your key too.Finding out what does not work ,implementing what does.
Letting go sometimes-and giving the relationship air space to let it breathe back to a healthy place-
so many things work- so many things dont. Another key is self partnering with yourself and discovering
truly what your weakness and strengths are- and if you may have blocked energy ( like a blocked
chakra)Google Quiz: Which of Your Chakras Is Out of Balance?Yoga Journal. When you start self partnering
with yourself you will start changing and have more energy and this will in turn awaken some sensors in him
Try it you have nothing to lose.

Certainly good advice by all. Two things that stand out are 1) "My son seems to have no motivation and is not interested in college." 2) "He (boyfriend) would rather drink alcohol and go out with his friends in his spare time." Personally, I think you're way past the "pie in the sky" ideas. Great as they may be, this is a twelve-year relationship that needs immediate help. I suggest you get into couples counseling, possibly family counseling depending on how productive your son is at 20. If your boyfriend is not interested, then you need to seek some counseling. Not to sound facetious, but you're looking at the rest of your life right now. best wishes.

I went through the same thing with my oldest son until I gave him an ultimatum of either get a job or go to school or find his own place to be lazy in because I was tired of him using all my utilities/cable! He choose his own place which was cool with me.

As for your relationship, you're stuck because you're allowing yourself to be. If after 12 years you haven't seen that he is who he is then your rose colored glasses are too rose colored. I'd leave him with his alcohol and his buddies and be free to go see the world! At 50ish you need to find your own independence and not depend on him; Get 2 or 3 jobs until you're on your feet. I tell every girl/woman who'll listen don't EVER get to where you need a man for financial reasons because you just never know what can happen. Plus in the heat of the moment they like to hold it over your head and throw it back in your face that you need him and whatever else to belittle you, not saying he does this to you, just happens a lot.

Life is waaay too short and we only get one with no do overs and YOU are the only one who can take charge to change it around to the life you want/deserve!

I am sorry you are feeling down. I think it is important to talk with your boyfriend of 12 years about how your feeling. You might want to consider counseling. Relationships are a roller coaster and they take work.

If he doesn't want to travel and you do, you might think about going on a trip with a girlfriend. It took me years to do a girl trip, but once I did, I realized that is important for myself.

It is good to find things you and your boyfriend like to do together. If it is not traveling, than save that to do on your own or with a friend. Communication is very important, so talk to him. Sometimes in relationships you get too complacent with one another and need to focus back on what brought you together and do something you did when you were first dating. It takes effort. As the phrase anything good is worth fighting for. I will keep you relationship in my prayers.

As for your son, if he is not sure what he wants to do with his life yet as 20. That is not unusual. However, he should have a job and be contributing to the finances if he is living at home. There are career counseling places that he could find what areas he is interested in working. I will be praying for your son to find what sparks his interest and find a job.

Please feel free to share anytime here. That is what this forum is for. We understand and want to encourage and love on you. HUGS!

I hope you will get a better relationship to your son and boyfriend. Maybe it helps talking to your son in a quite and calm environment and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Maybe at bed time or when you spend time to get him ready for bed.
I wish you all the best