Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Wk22 02/12/2011

I broke up with my girlfriend about month and a half ago, but almost immediately regretted it. But she would barely talk to me, and after being shut down constantly I finally got to talk to her and be with her. I had been extremely depressed from the point where I broke up with her to when we finally started hanging out. Once we started spending time together I was happy again. But I go to college about 10 hours away from where our homes are, and unfortunately we started talking and spending time with each other too late. Things were really going well those days that we were together. But I left for school about two weeks ago, and she said that we would still be friends, and that the possibility of a relationship was still there. Despite being sad that I was leaving for college, at the same time I had hope that things would get better. Her birthday was a weak ago, and I sent her over 150 dollars in gifts, and I had been very nice to her, and would say nice things to her every day despite her usually not doing the same. We usually would text all day, but last Thursday, she hadn't texted me for like 8 hours without explaining why. After she finally answered me, I found out that she was out on a date with another guy. When I asked if she liked him she said "idk" but when I asked him, he said he did like her. So then the next day, they hang out again. This time I ask her and she says she does like him. I feel absolutely awful. It has only been about a month since we broke up, and she seems to be already moving on, despite saying there is still a chance. And the worst part is that this is all happening right in front of my eyes, but due to the long distance factor, there is absolutely nothing I can do. Lately I just lie in my bed all day and wait for her to answer me, which can take hours sometimes. I feel extremely depressed. Usually she is the one that helps me when Im sad, but unfortunately she is the reason that I am sad now. And next weekend I have a 5 day weekend which I was planning on coming home for. The main reason would have been to see her, but since she now likes this other guy, I dont know if I should. Half of me thinks it would kill me to go home and see her and know that she likes someone else, but the other half thinks that if I go home and see her it would cheer me up and maybe she would start to like me again. What do you guys think? And what do you think about this situation as a whole? I really would appreciate the help...

deleted_user 02/12/2011

I'm really sorry your going through this. im in a similar situation my x moved to a different country so theres no chance i can get her back. i think you need to have an honest conversation with yourself ask weather you can make it work with the long distance and how willing you are to put the effort into it. if you really love her i would say fight for her as hard as you can. let her know how much you want to make it work and then let her make the decision,
i know this is really hard my thoughts go to you.
hug** good luck

Wk22 02/12/2011

thank you so much for saying that. almost everyone says to give up, but they dont realize how important she is to me. and i know this time i can make the long distance work. ijust need her to give me another chance. thank you so much for giving me the encouragement to keep going

deleted_user 02/12/2011

if i could fight for my x i would. however you need to respect that she may not feel the same way. you need to make sure your on the same page. but in my opinion theres nothing worse then finding something as wonderful as love and watching it fade away if you dont at least give it a try you will always wonder what if

Wk22 02/12/2011

Yes, I also feel like I may be irritating her. But at the same time, she calls me her best friend still. I havent given up after having been shut down for almost two months, I shouldnt give up now.

deleted_user 02/12/2011

After a breakup, the realization that you are now alone, especially being away at school, may lead you to regret breaking up, even if you did it for good reasons and it was the best thing for you. I have been in similar situations and every time, whether there was a second chance with the girl or not, I later realized that I was right to end it in the first place.
In any case, keep in mind that begging and pleading are not attractive and not the way to get a girl back. Try to be strong and mature when dealing with her.

Wk22 02/12/2011

Thank you for the advice, Ill keep that in mind.

deleted_user 02/12/2011

I'm not sure how much this is going to help because most of my advice will be from a female point of view.

I think what you need to do is really need to sit down by yourself with no forms of communication and write down why you were with your girlfriend and then why you broke up. This will be the first things that will help you begin to deal with what your feeling for her and to possibly let it go.

My next piece advice is to take a break from your ex because even though you've been apart distance wise you really haven't been apart communication wise. You need to to let yourself have some space to think things through because texting constantly, checking facebook or other forms of communication isn't helping you deal with emotions your feeling.

I know I'm sounding a bit harsh but it does give you sometime to self-evaluate if you want to continue the relationship on a romantic/friendship level.

As for ex dating again, sometimes people just deal with things different then others even though we don't always understand why. Some get over the hurt quickly and some don't for a really long time.

I know this for a fact because i was seriously in love with my friends for a year and a half even though he had no feelings for me whatsoever. I waited for a really long time for him to change his mind until I finally learned to just let it go and move on with my life.

Relationships are hard, there suppose to be but there is nothing wrong about stepping back and giving yourself some breathing room.

Anyways I do hope this help some.

Wk22 02/12/2011

Well after ignoring me all day she just texted me back. She said that talking isnt going to help get me get over her, and that we cant talk anymore. I feel like everything she said was a lie to me. I guess were officially over now, and I just need to accept it.

deleted_user 02/12/2011

Well maybe not everything is a lie but she is honestly doing the best thing for you and giving you the space to get over her. When stuff like this happens, its sorta apart of the growing up process of our lives. Even though it hurts now you'll grow from this experience to be a better person.

I find that all the crappy relationships I've had are just a stepping stone towards meeting that one person that will be really special to me. When that does happens I know that I'll be in the right place in my life to see that.

I'm sure one day you'll be there to.

Wk22 02/12/2011

I really hope your right. For awhile I really pictured being with her forever. And im not one of those kids that dates a new girl every other week and pretends to be upset every time i break up with someone. She really meant a lot to me. I think you are right though, even though we had a good relationship for awhile, its best if we just move on. Its just bringing me down. Its hard to give up though...

deleted_user 02/12/2011

Breaking up is never easy, I can only give you the experiences I've had with it. It was always best (in hindsight) to avoid the person,, as in not running into them, contacting them etc. for quite a while. I realize you care for her, I do not say this without an understanding of how it feels, but once that break is made many times it is not the same after that for the person broken up with.

The reason for lack of contact is to try to gain perspective because breakups happen for a reason. If she feels that space between you and wants to close that space then she can approach you about it but how does she feel that 'space' between the two of you unless you give her the room and time to decide she doesn't want to be away from you?

You could state it if you like, carefully, "I'm going to give it time, you can decide how you feel." if you aren't comfortable with just not contacting her at all. Hugs, I do understand.

Wk22 02/13/2011

Because she is so close to me and I rely on her to talk to while im away at college, i find it hard to go without contacting her. I will tell myself not to text her but i always end up doing it. Im going to try to talk to her less, and when I do, I wont mention my feelings or anything. We'll just talk like friends, and if things dont work out between her and the other guy then maybe i will try again.

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