Tabby, I do both. I try to rise above it, but calling a fact a fact is not an excuse. Hugs to you.

I knew at the time that such treatment was not typical. I hated my parents for the way they treated me, and got away from them as soon as I could. Haven't seen them in 30 years and don't know if they are alive or dead - and don't care. I wish they'd have gone to jail for what they did, it makes me angry that they got away with it.

I still struggle with the damage they did to me, it has colored my whole life.

How can you blame your parents for what you chose to do?

Heretic described it perfectly, they colored our life. Perhaps you've never had a toxic parent? You spend most of your time dealing with the anger you have and it reflects in poor decision making. Also, we were never given role models of how a loving family should be.

I have the good enough excuse of being age 54, and only totally (?) figuring out my past a couple years ago, thanks to the internet, and now being stuck living around lowlifes that remind me of my parents.

54, on govt benifits, no relatives, no friends, no car, no money, no formal education, semi-recluse all my life (thanks to parents' isolating me as a kid)....so, it's not as though I can now go to college, start at the bottom and work my way to even a middle-class life.

Next week, when I go to the dentist for still another chipped tooth, I will explain how my parents were, in a less direct way, lowlifes who never took care of their teeth, and how my teeth were already ruined by age 12 (my drunken mom wasn't much of a cook; I ate suger frosted flakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner)

Though, again, at least I have figured out my past---a lot of the people in my rural ghetto haven't. And, I do hope to, in whatever small way, rise above my past, with that being my eternal new year's resolution.

I believe you can do it, penntucky.

Thanks again, SnailAway.

I think this site will help me a lot. A couple months ago I also started listening to subliminal self-help recordings, while on the internet and falling asleep, which is maybe another step in the right direction.

Take care.

@Penntucky, I am interested in the subliminal material you listen to, Penntucky.
Where do you go, who do you listen too?

Thanks.

@Heretic. Yep. I struggle with it too. And I wish for some reasons I had the courage to have done what you did. There are times even now I consider cutting all ties but I have reasons for why I don't.
I really understand why people do and they have my respect.

@Snailsaway, thank you for saying what you did.

I didn't start seeing things for what they truly were until in my 40's. it's a tough thing to re wire the brain. Change thinking. I struggle with the fact I still keep in contact with parents. I limit my contact but it still brings me anxiety and I get conflicted. It's too complicated to get into. But I've tried so very hard to overcome, rise above it, move toward and for much I have but there is that BUT...
. If someone's spirit is low, so beaten down and the brain has been hard wired to a certain way of thinking it takes more than just "rising above it" You need resources, good therapists, right people in your life, medication, help.
Using that expression. "Making excuses" For some of the people in this group. It puts a lot of pressure on someone and can imply that the person is not trying hard enough, not doing enough......
There are too many dynamics to the various stories people have here. It's not as easy as to say "rise above it".

Child abuse and toxic home life does something to the brain and can really F*ck the person up. And yes it can lead to poor decision making but my goodness there is a whole lot of reason for it.
I'm dealing with so much and on this journey of self healing and forgiving and all that good stuff.....it's an on going daily battle.
There are days I feel I am taking one step forward, two steps back.

. I'm close to being 48 and I am still healing but I feel I am a fighter and I've come a distance and can keep on going.

for naturegirl:
amazon has hour downloads to put on a cd, for 99 cents each; just put "subliminal" in their mp3 music search for a list of them; i think one even has a title 'letting go of the past"

Amen SnailAway, I agree with you completely. Nothing more to say.