I was wondering the same thing - where do you draw the line between trying to feel better and just masking how you really feel and totally faking to feel better - I know i do that with my therapist a lot and i need to start showing her how i really feel

Hey confused - I have the same queation - and the older I get, the more I think we don't have as much choice as we'd like to think we do.
Fortunate people with working brain chemestries, feel that it's all a matter of choice. Because that's the way the world appears to them. They don't understand that you have to have a fully funtioning brainware system to be able to do that. Even then, life tends to happen, and get in the way of things.

I understand this one well. I have a lot of things that I should be thankful for, but because I am so depressed, it makes me feel guilty that I feel so bad. Eve though sometimes depression can be effected by outside forces, it really is all in the mind, which makes it so much harder for some of us to get through it. I always feel like I'll end up killing myself someday soon because I am so stuck in my own head that I can't enjoy life at all.

IVE BEEN DEPRESSED MOST OF MY LIFE MY BROTHER SAID THE OTHER DAY WE NEED TO THINK GOOD THOUGHTS I UNTERSTAND YOU WE TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME SOME PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD SOME DONT UNDER STAND DEPRESSION WE ALL ARE WITH YOU TO CHAT

My Dear

A long time ago, I'm assuming A LOT of intensely traumatic events happened in your life, and what you thought (which was SO automatic) way back then are the thoughts that began the depression. Now that you are depressed, it's like a viscious cycle where your depression maintains itself through your negative thinking style, yet it was negative thinking that started it at a time in your life when you were vulnerable to what was going on around you.

Talk to your therapist about ALL of your thoughts, even when you were a little girl. Let the little girl talk about what you wanted from your mommy or daddy that you never got, talk about how you have always secretly felt about yourself as a result of not getting specific things you had always wanted. Talk about your needs. If you can let that little girl speak within you (in therapy), the healing will begin.

You said that your first earliest memories are negative, and I'm assuming that they have impacted you significantly. You can deal with the intensity of those events so that they are not so prominent in your everyday thinking by talking about how you felt at the time of that all happening. The little girl within you has been traumatized, and she needs to speak about her experience in order for you to soften up the intensity of how you feel today.

At the core of depression is loneliness and abandonment coupled with a sense of worthlessness, and all of this needs to be talked about at whatever stage of development you have experienced these things. The earlier you experienced it, the more of an impact it has had on you, yet do not be afraid to open up according to how old you were when you experienced it.

After that can happen, the sky will be the limit in terms of how much you can consciously control regarding your feelings. Doing the above will allow your feelings to catch up with your reality, and as an adult you will be able to excercise more of a conscious control over them.

God Bless You.
Carlo

Confused i have been where you are at. People, try to give you a quick fix, Becouse they has never beeen where we are at. A lot of times I hurt on the end side
so bad I don't wont to be around anyone.
People tell me it all in my mind, and I can change it if I won to . But I two kinds of medication a day. and if i could chinge it, I would not be taking the meds to try to make it another day God Bless you samlib

Dear confusedmoma. I really feel your story. Here I am, 51 yrs old and thinking back, it seems that I have always been depressed. I know that things in my childhood were bad, but we are told by sociery that we should not blame our "shortcomings" on our past, it is our choice to make yourself better. I truly believe anyone who spouts this type of stupidity has never experienced true, clinical depression. We can control situations around us only to a certain point. There are days I am not so bad,those are the days I grab onto and live as full as I can, I know there will be days not so ggod and can't predict when they will happen. After a while, you learn to adjust. You can't plan your moods. Also, with respect to enviroment, unhappy events can trigger a depressive period and those of us who have this altered chemistry know that they are not just low periods someone else may experience. Depression can and does alter our perceptions of everything. We don't see a problem, we see insurmountable disasters! We don't see simple solutions easily, we see drastic solutions. All these things make us different, but you must talk things - everything, with your doctor. This is not easy. I had the same psych for 10 years! He really did not know ANYTHING about me because I was not comfortable with him and in our area, there were no alternatives. He left, and I have a new one. It is so liberating to have someone you feel safe and comfortable with. Is your doctor like my first or second? Don't waste time if you are not comfortable. Get another one if possible, but TALK to him, and us here, whenever you need. Hope I helped a bit. Take care.

This isn't really advice - it's just venting - I am so depressed, I am paralyzed. I am only do the things I must do to get me thru the day; I have bills to pay, finances to take care of, a house & yard to take care of, a dog to walk, a full time job that needs my undivided attention, family & friends that need to be taken care of and a small business that is in need of my attention. I am currently not on drugs; have tried several but nothing that I feel works or helps bring me out of this funk; I have no energy; I want to sleep ALL the time; I can sleep 24 hrs a day! What is wrong with me?? I was born & raised Catholic; only girl with five brothers; I love both parents and they raised us the best way they knew how; they sacrificed for us financially and I know we were loved; I have been widowed and divorced; I have an adult child but I am not really a good mother and certainly not a good grandmother-what is wrong with me????????????

I find myself wondering the same things as well. I work in customer service and at work I have to fake this cheery personality to work around the customers. I hate it. I just wish I could be myself.

Oh boy can I relate.I was depressed for most of my life but didn't know it.I didn't even know what the word depression was.I was always being told to "Smile".I would think,,why?I couldn't think of what to smile for.When I finally hit rock bottom and ended up in the hosp I learned what depression really was.I think we each have our own levels of control,depending on how deep our depression is at the time.For instance,if my depression is mild I can talk my way into a better frame of mind or make myself distract my thoughts.But, when I'm severely depressed I don't have either the strength,control or both to change or help myself.I'm too far down into that black hole.With my family (not husband or children but mother and siblings)it's useless to expect any help,compassion or support.Depression to them is mind over matter,a weakness and flaw in their opinions.They believe everyone has full control over depression.I think with each person it varies how much control they have over the power of their mind due to the depth of their depression.That's just my opinon. Good questions!!Really makes you think!