Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I finally figured out what has been triggering my wanting to cut myself. I am a very affectionate person and my dh is absolutely non affectionate. I long to be held and for someone to touch me without wanting sex. What is wrong with me that he wants to never touch me? I have a guy friend who thinks that my dh is the luckiest man on earth, but I can't see that my dh even cares about me. He instead gives me web site addresses and tells me that he saw it on the news and that the woman who was on, lost everything because her husband could not deal with her depression and how badly it affected him. I don't know if my husband thinks that it is a walk in the park for me, or if he is just that selfish and self centered to think that everything has to revolve around him and how it affects his life. I get the impression from him, that I have toatlly screwed his life up and I am nothing but a burden that he has to put up with. I feel all of this inside and I can't even cry anymore. So I cut myself to release the pain so I can go on. I have to live for my boys and to protect them from their father. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
There are worse situations, but this one is bad enough. It is pretty bad. The main problem I see is your own victimization has taken away the strength it will require to unravel everything. You need the strength to see the resolution. You need the strength to take action.
Here is my opinion and advice mixed together. With no one's knowledge, see a divorce attorney. You need to protect yourself and children from him, you need financial support from him, you need what is rightfully yours from a divorce, and you need a divorce itself. With these requirements, you need GOOD and AMPLE legal advice.
It will require you to be strong. Few divorces are simple and "friendly". I wish it were easier on you to resolve the situation differently, but that is the only solution I can see for you. I wish you the best of luck.
Please do not cut yourself, if not for you, for your boys. There are too many other safe ways to feel pain than to cut. (mine is tattoos) So really think about what you want for yourself and your boys, find your guts and do it. I wish you luck and strength. I know it's not easy it took me 3 years to find my guts.