I'm a fucking mess right now, and I probably messed up my relationship with my best friend. She got hurt over my sensitivity and no matter what I texted her she wouldn't text me back. So I texted her that I wouldn't be texting her for a while until I could calm myself and that might be days, and then I felt bad about texting that and apologized for not being as good of a friend to her as she was to me, and then texted just ignore everything I'm feeling kind of crazy. I think I finally drove her to the point where she has just given up on me. I've been feeling like crap on and off even before this, and today was just really bad because I can't even commit to one decision in my life. I just wish I wasn't here. Like I could fall asleep and never ever wakeup, with no consciousness. I wish I was nothing. I can be happy for maybe a minute or two and then suddenly wham. I just don't know what is wrong with me.
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