Persi, you are not alone in your feelings and how you are reacting to life, people, and friends. Depression can make us crazy sometimes where we are thinking and feeling one thing, and not minutes later, we are doing the opposite. You didn't mess up your relationship, I don't believe that. If this person is truly your friend, they will understand that it's your depression talking. I don't think she has given up on you, at least not until you say she admits to that. Give her some time and then talk to her, and not with texting. You can't be all things to all people. I want to share something with you and just replace the word love, with friendship, okay?
Love is patient, love is kind
it does not envy
it does not boast;
it is not proud.
It is not rude;
it is not self-seeking;
it is not easily angered;
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13

Hugs GB

Out of my instability at the time I pushed a friend of mine away. I am just beginning to reconnect with her and we will see how it goes.

None of us are perfect and with sincere apologies and caring for this person's needs you may see the relationship turn around.

Be gentle with yourself -- we learn to do better and then we do better.

Thank you guys. I just feel like I must be going crazy sometimes. I haven't been satisfied with my life for a very long time. And it has been bothering me a lot. I feel like I have been very selfish when it comes to my friendship. I feel like almost every other day I need a shoulder to cry on and that I'm going to breakdown. And it's weird because I'll be fine, I'll laugh at a joke and then wham. This friend has had to put up a with a lot of it, and I genuinely feel bad about it. She's got a lot on her plate kids, her husband is unemployed, having to move back in with her family, and here I am a big baby just hanging onto her even when I should have less to complain of than her. I just, I don't know. I really don't see why anyone would want to be friends with me. I feel like the only way people will like me is if I hide who I really am.

NEVER EVER hide who you are honey... Who you are will always end up showing your true colors in the end. People need to love you for who you are, not for what they expect you to be. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Hugs GB

I'm just not a happy person to be around. I want to be, but i never as the life of the party and I am so awkward it hurts sometimes. Thank you Grammy bear. And thank you too 1patriciann. I don't know if I deserve this kindness, but I appreciate it all the same.

Hon you DO deserve the kindness, okay? Please stop that type of thinking. It only makes things worse.

And don't feel like you need to hide who you are...there is only one you, nobody else can be you...why try to be something you're not? And I know, it probably feels like you WISH you could be somebody else, or thinking that 'you' is a crappy person to be. Trust me, I've been there. I'm still there at times.

But it's lies. It's all depression lies. I don't know enuogh about you to offer anything more specific, but regarding the fight with your friend...if they're a true friend, they will come around. Yeah, they might be pissed off or weirded out for a while, but if they're a true friend they will forgive whatever you might have said or done. If there's an apology in order, by all means make it...but if you were just feeling bad and acted a bit strange, explain what the deal is and...the rest is up to them. I'm pretty sure they'll be cool with it, considering you consider this person your best friend.

Peace to u