Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi,
I hate to be dramatic, but maybe that's a little bit appropriate for my situation. My career has failed. I am in my early 40's and have been forcing myself to keep teaching as that is what my training is in. I've had three jobs in ten years, and all of them have ended badly. I've tried extremely hard with each of them, gave it more than I even had. I was not fired, but very close to it. I was put on an improvement plan on my first one-right out of college-was not well trained. I sustained my second job for seven years, at great cost. Was a hostile environment and I took a leave of absence at the end. Then I was unemployed for a year, which led to severe depression and hospitalization.
I got another job, and just before the three years probation ended, I was told I was going to be fired. My reviews were fine for three years right up until the end, until my very last one, it was rock bottom. The union fought it and said it was uncalled for, so the notice of possible dismissal was torn up and they offered me another contract. I was in such shock and stunned that I did not take it.
I'm now working two part time jobs without health insurance, substitute teaching and doing something else on the side. I really can't make ends meet and am afraid I will not be able to pay my rent.
My romantic life is a big nothing. The past few years the only opportunities I've had is from several married men looking for affairs-not interested. The guy I was crazy about refused to speak to me talk to me or act like I was there, and finally found someone, so I quit hanging around with all of them. My social life went to hell. Glad I found other friends.
I can't seem to pull myself out of this stupor. When I pulled myself out of the last hospitalization and depression, it took months, and I got a job, but things didn't truly get better.
I am listening to motivational videos and all that. Law of attraction, etc. I have never been so confused in all my life. Here I am at this age, really lost. I used to feel motivation and drive. I feel very little anymore.
I hate to be dramatic, but maybe that's a little bit appropriate for my situation. My career has failed. I am in my early 40's and have been forcing myself to keep teaching as that is what my training is in. I've had three jobs in ten years, and all of them have ended badly. I've tried extremely hard with each of them, gave it more than I even had. I was not fired, but very close to it. I was put on an improvement plan on my first one-right out of college-was not well trained. I sustained my second job for seven years, at great cost. Was a hostile environment and I took a leave of absence at the end. Then I was unemployed for a year, which led to severe depression and hospitalization.
I got another job, and just before the three years probation ended, I was told I was going to be fired. My reviews were fine for three years right up until the end, until my very last one, it was rock bottom. The union fought it and said it was uncalled for, so the notice of possible dismissal was torn up and they offered me another contract. I was in such shock and stunned that I did not take it.
I'm now working two part time jobs without health insurance, substitute teaching and doing something else on the side. I really can't make ends meet and am afraid I will not be able to pay my rent.
My romantic life is a big nothing. The past few years the only opportunities I've had is from several married men looking for affairs-not interested. The guy I was crazy about refused to speak to me talk to me or act like I was there, and finally found someone, so I quit hanging around with all of them. My social life went to hell. Glad I found other friends.
I can't seem to pull myself out of this stupor. When I pulled myself out of the last hospitalization and depression, it took months, and I got a job, but things didn't truly get better.
I am listening to motivational videos and all that. Law of attraction, etc. I have never been so confused in all my life. Here I am at this age, really lost. I used to feel motivation and drive. I feel very little anymore.
By this example ... you tend to keep a very small 'profile'. If this is the case in your daily life ... it may be that others cannot 'come to know you' ... and you are comparatively estranged where others are not.
Not sure estranged is the right word ... but recessive people are often overlooked, misunderstood, excused, passed over .. etc etc.
It COULD be that if you were a bit more 'outgoing', you would gain more consideration ... you mention 'my age' .... and I have no idea how old you are ... for example.
I hope you do not take offense ... because I could be very wrong about you .... after all .... I do not know you.
orion
I understand.. I hope you have been able to get out of dodge and into a city that they do not suspect. Someone just told me that they recommend having 3000 saved up if you plan going somewhere and I am like HA! What how? Maybe save enought for two months of hotel rooms and get a temp job in another state?
Are you taking any antianxiety anything? Or even moodstabilizers?
I am 45 and trying to retrain to get more income, and I certainly did waste the first 40 yrs of my life except for my 2 children - so I know how awful it is starting again. All I can say is take whatever work you can get FOR NOW, and try to figure out the best way to get somewhere.
Save money even if it's only $5 a week. Ensure that you save money. Without saving you are selling capital (years of your life) and it is entirely depressing.
You need some time just floating to find yourself. At this age some people run away to gurus in south america. Or go climb mountains in the himalayas. You're needing a sea change and you may not know what that entails. But the future is just around the corner and the one thing we do know is that we don't know what might be coming.
Try to think about what you love. What you are privately passionate about. How much of yourself are you giving to that passion? Had you thought of travelling in the direction of this passion, instead of continuing to teach? It's going to get harder to teach, if you are hating it. Harder and harder.
As to men: they come and go. I've ditched the men and got cats instead - imagine my spinsterish disgust as I just went upstairs and found the stinky black local tom cat lying on my bed with my two girl kittens. Lying on MY BED with his harem of underage girls. And they think he's the magic man and keep going back for more. He reminds me of my mother's dutch boyfriend from the 70's - all hairy chest and gold medallions.
Anyway don't worry about love for now. Learn about you. Find you. Men will still be out there sniffing round your porch in a few years time. :)
PS I have never got anything out of motivational tapes. I find the absence of stuffing things into your brain works way better. Leaving your brain to come OUT with something takes more listening and less doing, but is ultimately is a more concrete answer than stuffing stuff IN and then obeying it for a while till the motivation hits zero again.
:)