Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
3 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

confused about future, step parenting with a new b

sunsets1386
sunsets1386
So before i got pregnant, everything was easy and simple. I was dating this great guy after being in a 6 year long abusive relationship, he has two little girls to whom he wasa great dad too, ex wife and him had a long rough divorce, but who's to judge, and then 6 months later I'm pregnant. I'm 28, he's 35, and although I've always wanted kids and a family, I hate to say it but this isn't the life i saw for myself. There is constant drama with the ex wife, who is remarried and just had another baby herself, and his girls are always coming over here sick, and getting me sick. I know I'm pregnant and hormonal but I went from really enjoying their time here to dreading it. They've already gotten me sick once while pregnant, I honestly worry for my baby's health. My fiance gets so defensive of them and it all just makes me sick. I wish i was going through this with someone else for the first time. I feel likea horrible person because yes I knew he had children and an ex wife, but i didn't mean for any of this to happen. I've had a rough life already I fear I just made my future a whole lot harder. Any advice or support would be appreciated, thank you :)
iamstuckanddown
iamstuckanddown
As a step-father, I can tell you that what you are experiencing is normal. Step-parents have a very hard row to hoe. It takes a lot of commitment, love and energy. After a time, I think you'll be fine...take it slowly and one day at a time. Little kids always seem to come home with colds and all manner of illnesses. Get some rest and don't be so hard on yourself. I wish you all luck and godspeed.
sunsets1386
sunsets1386
Thank you :)
iamstuckanddown
iamstuckanddown
You are very welcome.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
UG, DS lost my reply.

I can't speak to the step parent issues, but it sounds like JamStuck has a good read on it. But as an observer (I've coached hundreds of kids in baseball and soccer) it is my opinion that the step parents who make out the best are the ones who accept their step kids for who they are rather than who their other parent is.

If you are concerned about your health and the health of your baby, the best person to talk to is your OBGYN. They have a LOT of experience with all things pregnancy!

Best wishes and gentle hugs
SingYourGutsOut
SingYourGutsOut
It sounds like a visit or two to a marriage/family counselor might help. When I married my 2nd husband, we had 4 teenagers between us. It was tough but all of us going to counseling helped a lot.
Your little girls might be too young for that but you and your fianc and maybe even his ex going would help. Or at the least to sit down and establish some ground rules. It's only going to get more complex when the baby comes.
Yes, little kids do get sick often. Guess they are just preparing you for when you have your baby.
Like Iamstuck said, take it easy and try to get some rest.

Sending you support and hugs.
sunsets1386
sunsets1386
That's a good way to look at it... preparation! It's just before I got pregnant, the issues with the ex were his, she has never once asked to meet me, even though she has mentioned her oldest daughter who is 4 has said good things about me, which i findodd. I would want to meet anyone around my kids as often as I'm around hers. I do appreciate the advice, I've also had to give up my ADHD medication, which has been the only medication that has actually stopped my anxiety and depression, so it's just been hard. I feel like the evil step mother and that's exactly what i didn't want. I just want my baby to feel loved and wanted and worry she will be treated differently than his other daughters. Counseling would be a good idea, getting the ex to go would never happen unfortunately. Thanks again for your responses
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
I think being a step-parent can be a very fulfilling thing. You do have to be very careful about criticizing his children. Young children do get sick occasionally and if you are worried, you can nicely suggest that they not get too close. However, as a stepparent, and one I am proud to call successful, you should be doing a lot more complimenting than criticizing.