Patience is one of the most important things, but also one of the most difficult. Depression can be anywhere between apathy and overwhelm. Too many emotions and then none at all. Since each person experiences depression differently, it's hard to give a single good piece of advice.
It's never bad to encourage good self care, to not take things personally if they lash out (though don't be a doormat either), and to encourage them (not push them) to get out and socialize a little sometimes.

Thank you for reaching out for help and advice. People who care for depressed people have a very hard job. It's full time and often seems unappreciated, but what you're doing really does make a difference! Dont' be afraid to practice lots of self care for yourself too!!! You can't pour from an empty cup :)

Good luck!!

Great advise. Thank you

Hi simpleliving - i hope you are able to find some comfort here xx I am 21 and i suffer from more than just depression... but one thing i always need from my parents that i seldom got was just to know they were there for whatever i was comfortable to share with them and whenever i was comfortable to share it. Putting together a strong medical team for your child will help tremdously... give them a safe place to open up. and when it becomes difficult and hard to work through the stuff that they are, it is important they know you’ll be there for a hug and comfort without having to go into great detail about what is wrong if they don’t want to.

Sending you and your family so so so much support. Hope you can find healing for yourself here as well. hugs xxx

Thank goodness you don't have a 'get over it' attitude. Many parents do.

I don't know how old your child is. Get the feeling pre-adolescent. Anyway .. my best advice is to confer with the medical profession .. extensively.

Clinical Depression can be VERY misunderstood by those who do not have it. It is complex and disabling ... BUT TREATABLE. Confer with the child's doctor ... very closely and often if needed.

We greatly appreciate all your advice and we are trying our best to listen, be there, not judge and offer our support. We look forward to more replies. Thank you all!

Hi SL. Having a young adult with depression is extremely difficult emotionally. You just want to be able to take it away from them in the snap of a finger. Other times, you scared because you don't know where this road is going. Sometimes, it's frustrating, even infuriating.

I speak from the perspective of fighting depression myself and having a child with depression. In some ways, it's easier for me to understand their depression because I can remember going through exactly the same crises and exactly the same roller-coaster of emotions when I was that age - it's like watching a movie of myself!

Many will tell you to get educated (which you should) and make sure they're taking meds and seeing therapists (which you should), be patient and understanding (which you should), but the only advice I can give you is to treat them as the individual they are - don't look at them as being the depression itself (if that makes sense). You know your child, so trust yourself and go with your gut feelings. Let them know that you are a safe place to fall, that there's nothing that can happen that will make you love them any less.

Above all, (any many people are surprised to hear this) the best way you can help your child is to put the welfare of your marriage and your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being first. Depression destroys families; it destroys marriages and relationships. In order for you both to remain that safe place for your child to fall is to put each other first. It's not about making sure you don't neglect your marriage and yourselves, it's about positively feeding into it and meeting your own needs first. I know this is counter-intuitive, but it really is the best support you can give any family member affected by depression.

Happy to pm if I can be of any help. Take care.

Wandering Vet said it well. Always remember this is a physical disease of the brain and not something your child or you caused. Understanding everything fully easy not be possible until science advances further.

You sound like a very caring parent. I’m so glad you reached out!! When we dealt with our son’s depression we tried to create a pleasant home environment with open and safe communication and we tried to make sure he knew we were available and ready to listen to him anytime!, that we wanted to know what he thought and felt. Later he told us this made him feel confident that he’d receive our attention and compassion when he was ready to share the tough stuff. We always tried to tell him that we were here standing with him no matter what and that we were for him. We tried to live by example, encouraging balance, rest, reasonable downtime, nutritious food, and most importantly purposeful time with God. I wanted my son to know we were ready to go through this challenging season with him, that he wasn’t alone. We told him we enjoyed him now and who he was becoming and we tried to help him identify his personal strengths and character qualities all the while hoping that our attentiveness would help our son appreciate who God created him to be. <3 You are not alone either. <3 I will be praying for you and for your child this week. Please keep us posted. Big hug!

Question: with this depression, we see our adult child discouraged; discouraged with people, discouraged with life, and yes a little discouraged with God. We try to be strong and give positive thinking to her various situations. I, in preticular, don't want to cry in front of her, bc I want her to know/think I can handle it (I don’t want her hiding anything from us, bc as of now we feel like we know some of what she is thinking, we don’t want to loose that). We want her to be able to have more positive thoughts, so we stay positive. So my question is; is being positive and trying to put happier thoughts her way only going to annoy her thus adding one more negative thing her way? I know when I am in a bad mood, I don’t want to deal with the happy go lucky person, I just want to have my bad mood, but then I know my mood won’t stay, my mood will eventually go away. I know, she knows that “her mood just won’t go away” with depression she is stuck in her down mood, so how can we be positive thinking if it is an annoyance to her. Right now, we are her only support, other then the therapist. She doesn’t have “good” friends to help her through this.

Listen and always talk. Make sure your young adult child knows you are there for him/her. Remember there are doctors and therapists.

First, .. want to correct something in my earlier reply. I see that you said 'young ADULT'.

Quite frankly, I sense you and your husband are taking on her cure. A noble thing indeed, but not possible. The 'cure' comes from within her. It is (almost) exclusively between her and the medical profession.

When it comes to 'mood', our brains work off of hormones .. such as dopamine, adrenaline, noradrenaline, seratonin and others. These hormones must be properly and naturally regulated in order to prevent CLINICAL depression. When they are not regulated, we are at the mercy of a 'mood' disorder. There are medications available to regulate these hormones ... medication is the first line of treatment.

There is another factor involved ... the brain's ability to rationalize ... so a person with clinical depression has to LEARN how to CHOOSE not being depressed. This comes from psychotherapy. This is the 'hard part' of defeating depression.

It takes BOTH ... regulatory medication and p-therapy for a person to well manage clinical depression.

Caring parents ... certainly a plus ... but they have VERY little control of the "steering wheel". In some cases, the caring parents need counseling as much as the patient ... so they can understand how to cope with the problem.

Hi again SL

Just like you know your daughter best, she knows you, so don't try to be anything else other than what you are - she's depressed, not stupid. If you want her to be open and transparent, then model that behavior for her. It's ok for you to share how you feel, so long as you finish it on a positive, e.g., "I'm concerned about how long it will take for us to get through this, but you know what? It will pass. We will get through this because we're going to do it together" or "I don't understand why God is letting you go through this, but He does have a perfect plan, and He's promised He will never leave us, so I know He's going to use it and use you for a kingdom purpose." Note: you mentioned faith in God, so I'm guessing your a Christian family.

Another thing you can do is model the CBT and DBT skill-sets with her, but verbalize what you're going to do, e.g., "I really don't feel like going to church today, but I'm going to go because seeing my friends will improve my mood, even if it's only for a few hours," or "I hate it when all these lies are in my head - 'I'm failing, I'm useless, I never get anything right, I'm not worth anything...' but that is all they are, they are lies. So. I'm going to remind myself of the truth - 'I'm not a failure....' etc." And you can use scripture to 'prove' your truths.

Youtube 'I have a big, black dog' - it's really good for putting things into perspective. This is going to be a long battle - if your daughter has been diagnosed with chronic depression or major depressive disorder, then from a medical perspective, your daughter's goal will be to learn to live with the disorder, managing it through skill-sets, medication and therapy, but this will be a long, long road with many highs and lows. Again, make the most of the highs and be her safe place to fall in her lows.

Please message me if you have other questions I can help you with. Take care. TR

A day of mixed emotions... this morning I heard of a local college aged student that committed suicide last week. My heart absolutely breaks for her parents. So all day my thoughts have been about them and of course concern for our own daughter. But then, this evening, I got a very uplifting call from her, a good day for her makes for a wonderful day for us, yet I feel so bad for that other family. Just a day of mixed emotions.. prayers for that family!