I have been giving it some thought to how I ended up here and it baffles me to believe that I MUST be the one causing all the pain surrounding my world, ie my family, my non-existent friends, my material possessions (what little I have left), my divorced family, but most importantly, my two sons.

I am a 46 year old male with multiple Disabilities. I was terminated from my last employment because my Doctors would not release me back to work full time while on Chemo and work would not accept a part time schedule.

I am on unemployment and have filed for SSI but I just received my second denial in the mail three days ago.

I have been working with the DVR and SPSK to get me trained and job ready and have a few phone and face-to-face interviews, but I apologize...one look at me and you would say the answer is no. I am awaiting the results for a MRI scan on what is diagnosed as Frozen Shoulder. So to be fair to any inquiring employer, I have to tell them about this and the current range of motion.

I am not telling you all to get sympathy, I get cheap sympathy now from my family. I live with my Dad who doesn't have the time to take an interest in my life. I was literally on my death bed twice and he didn't call or come to the Hospital either time. Once was on Christmas day.

There are 7 of us brothers and sisters and each of them have issues with each other and with my Dad so no one comes around any more. The sad part is I know ALL the secrets! Yep, they all confide in me. What am I supposed to do with all this build up? I can't let it out, I still live here.

Lastly but most importantly my sons, before their mom and I were divorced we were the three amigos. it was fun. After that splitting into two houses, learning two sets of rules it became hard on them. But we worked through it. In this past year my oldest confides more in his maternal Grandparents and his idol, his cousin, than he does with me. When he makes these life decisions I usually find out through the grandparents. How do I let him know this hurts me?

My youngest on is doing the same thing. He is not allowed to have friends over at his mothers-ever. So knowing that, it's my responsibility to make sure his homework is done and he is well fed before he gets to play. There are times when he sets up these play dates, and says he has no homework; but then I get a call or text from his mother asking why he didn't do his homework.

This is just one example I have plenty more for both boys. I love them dearly and I would do anything for their survival...so that has me thinking...should I move away...