Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
It's kind of a joke. I remember reading in a history book that americans are the only ones that drive to the poor house. If you don't understand the joke then, congrats, you're an American. haha.
I joke about that because, after all that I've done, learned and endured, I'm going to be sleeping on a floor yet again. It didn't bother me when I was 20. I did that crap for years. Floors, couches, love-seats, closets. Even sleeping in my car. And I've been informed that it needs to happen again. It's not a huge issue, it's just a reminder that I still don't have my crap together. One more reminder of why I'm alone. One more reminder that I'm "this close" to screwing up my future plans. I'm already in nursing school. I just need to survive.
I brought up the "driving to the poor-house" thing because, seriously, we do "poor" in a rich style. Cars, smart phones, brand name clothes. And we make comments about being broke. But this is how we are and we've learned to manage this so I'm not going to get too crazy about it.
My biggest regret is letting the past haunt me. Is this all my life is? You don't know me but I can say, humbly so, that may people have instructed me and let me know how much they believed in me. To the point of being upset with me even.
So, with so much potential, why am I going to sleep on the floor again, terrified of paying the bills and possibly freezing my way through the winter? I'm a screw-up. I'm making bad decisions. I don't really know at this point. I just had to get this out. I'm spending all Thanksgiving working and studying so I'm having a drink and typing to you wonderful people.
When I was in high school, my best friend turned to me just before he took a hit of crank and said, "Dude, I don't want to be like this."
I don't want to be like this either.
I joke about that because, after all that I've done, learned and endured, I'm going to be sleeping on a floor yet again. It didn't bother me when I was 20. I did that crap for years. Floors, couches, love-seats, closets. Even sleeping in my car. And I've been informed that it needs to happen again. It's not a huge issue, it's just a reminder that I still don't have my crap together. One more reminder of why I'm alone. One more reminder that I'm "this close" to screwing up my future plans. I'm already in nursing school. I just need to survive.
I brought up the "driving to the poor-house" thing because, seriously, we do "poor" in a rich style. Cars, smart phones, brand name clothes. And we make comments about being broke. But this is how we are and we've learned to manage this so I'm not going to get too crazy about it.
My biggest regret is letting the past haunt me. Is this all my life is? You don't know me but I can say, humbly so, that may people have instructed me and let me know how much they believed in me. To the point of being upset with me even.
So, with so much potential, why am I going to sleep on the floor again, terrified of paying the bills and possibly freezing my way through the winter? I'm a screw-up. I'm making bad decisions. I don't really know at this point. I just had to get this out. I'm spending all Thanksgiving working and studying so I'm having a drink and typing to you wonderful people.
When I was in high school, my best friend turned to me just before he took a hit of crank and said, "Dude, I don't want to be like this."
I don't want to be like this either.
I wish I had some words of wisdom.. I don't know what bad decisions you are making or why you say you are a screw up.. I don't need to know. You are in nursing school. You are studying. I think that's something for you to be really proud of. Hell, if you knew how many times I've screwed up in my 55 years.. I could write a book. Can I honestly say that my past and mistakes I've made don't haunt me? No. but I know ( or so my ex therapist told me over and over again ) that we ( as you well know ) we can't change our past . Beating ourselves up over mistakes or bad choices in the past won't change anything . Can we hope to learn from mistakes and do better? I hope so. Can I say I always do? No.
okay, I'm rambling as usual.
I guess all I can offer is my support, which you have. I can say if you don't want to ' be like this'.. then I hope you can do whatever you need to do to make some changes.. no matter how small. baby steps?
I hope you aren't going to have to sleep on floors and freeze through the winter. I'm sorry you are struggling sweet friend.
(((((((((( comforting hugs ))))))))))))
LMT
If youre going to be passionate about something, be passionate about learning. If youre going to fight something, fight for those in need. If youre going to question something, question authority. If youre going to lose something, lose your inhibitions. If youre going to gain something, gain respect and confidence. And if youre going to hate something, hate the false idea that you are not capable of your dreams.
Daniel Golston
{{Hugs}}
I wish I could go back and change some bad decisions I have made in my life. You are finishing school, you are going into a profession where you will be helping people, and you are working, and you have a whole new life waiting for you. You should look at yourself in a more positive way, and forgive yourself for a few bad choices. We all make them.
Hugs,
Kasandra
I imagine you may not be working, or of some sort. It takes baby steps to begin that process of employment, but your going to school and that is important too. I see your mind wants you to see negatives of yourself which is not good, but turn those bad thoughts of yourself into good ones and go from there too.
I hope you can improve on the decision making, but some choices may not be the right ones but then you learn that and move on to the next options. Good luck and warm hugs to you to get back on your feet again.
Especially while in school, especially in USA, one has to make a lot of sacrifices to get an education that can provide you with a job so you can get to drive your car to your poor house and continue feeling broke and poor.
Ending up sleeping on the floor not always is a reflection of poor decision making. Life does happen and there are events or things that happen that are completely out of control.
if you do feel that your situation now is the result of your own actions, well, you did it once, you can recover from it again. Sounds harsh, but that's just life.
Once I got my act together I kept falling into old patterns and when sometimes things weren't going well i thought that i was going back to old ways. That's not the case. First, you never go back to square one since now you do have the knowledge of what's wrong and what has to be done. Second, life is not going to open all the doors all the time just because we decided to make better choices.
I found that once I made bad choices for not wanting to see ho much life sucks, how hostile people really are, and how messed up this world is. Yet, I had to suck it all up and start over several times because I just refused to go back to old ways just because I failed at something.
In other words, just keep going. No one is going to guarantee you that you will not fall again, or that the ride in life is going to be smooth or a one-time deal. problems will continue happening. We all will continue making foolish decisions, making mistakes, sometimes the same mistake, bad things will continue happening in the world. What we do about it and how we raise after is what matters.
Not everything is lost just because of a bad situation now. There are always other choices. Postponing studies is not great, but is possible (provided that you do have the drive and determination to go back). Maybe studying part-time while you secure a better place to live is an alternative. There are things that can be done other than going back to feeling and acting as if you are back to where you were before.
And now you have the support of people here, which at least gives you he chance to get some supportive words.
Thank you all who posted. I know that "this too shall pass." It's just annoying going through the process. I did get a new job. I just haven't started yet. I'm sure that it will take care of everything. Support from the DS community is really more important at this point just because we tend to make rash decisions in our down moods. You guys listen. Thank you for that. Don't forget to get fat on Thu.