Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am posting here because I haven't found a group for childless women and because I know this issue is contributing to my depression.
In a nutshell, I am 37, married for the second time to a man who has two children of his own. He had a vasectomy over ten years ago. He is in the military, so we would be able to get a v-reversal at no cost, but there is a long waiting list (they told us it could be between 6 mos to two years) . Who knows if we would even have success if he did get the surgery. We cannot afford to pay for it ourselves or for any other fertility treatments.
As time goes on, I feel less and less hopeful that I will be able to have a child of my own. I suppose there is still some hope, but that almost makes me feel worse. I think if I knew I definitely could NEVER have children, I could at least move through the grieving process and come to terms with it. But I can't even do that because I'm in limbo.
I feel a lot of anger at my spouse when he is enjoying his own kids and fawning over them. I know this is wrong and I try to keep it to myself. I also feel angry at him for putting off going to the doctor for so long. I even feel angry that he isn't as upset about this as I am and I am interpreting this to mean that he doesn't love me enough to really want kids with me. I know on some level this is warped.
Any thoughts or advice is welcome, especially from anyone who has been through this.
In a nutshell, I am 37, married for the second time to a man who has two children of his own. He had a vasectomy over ten years ago. He is in the military, so we would be able to get a v-reversal at no cost, but there is a long waiting list (they told us it could be between 6 mos to two years) . Who knows if we would even have success if he did get the surgery. We cannot afford to pay for it ourselves or for any other fertility treatments.
As time goes on, I feel less and less hopeful that I will be able to have a child of my own. I suppose there is still some hope, but that almost makes me feel worse. I think if I knew I definitely could NEVER have children, I could at least move through the grieving process and come to terms with it. But I can't even do that because I'm in limbo.
I feel a lot of anger at my spouse when he is enjoying his own kids and fawning over them. I know this is wrong and I try to keep it to myself. I also feel angry at him for putting off going to the doctor for so long. I even feel angry that he isn't as upset about this as I am and I am interpreting this to mean that he doesn't love me enough to really want kids with me. I know on some level this is warped.
Any thoughts or advice is welcome, especially from anyone who has been through this.
Let him know that you really want HIS kids. That the cost of the reversal may be high but that it is something that you really truly want. Make sure that he knows how strongly you feel because he may not know. Let him know that not having your own child is contributing to your own depression. Just be completely honest even if it makes you emotional or scared. Write it down if you have to.
I wouldn't mention being angry about his time with hi kids, but you might mention that you see how wonderful he is with his kids and you just yearn to have that with your own. That you want to have kids of your own with such an amazing father.
As for hope once it is corrected, that is kind of up in the air. I would maybe have a through check up from an ob/gyn before the reversal to make sure that there is nothing hampering you from fertility. I have a few friends who got pregnant in their 40s. I have two girls in my girl scout troop that are 'mid life' babies. Ones mom had her at 48, one at 45. So it is possible to get pregnant until menopause.
If for any reason you go to the ob/gyn and they find that you would not be able to have kids or would have trouble, please be open minded about adoption. I know that my father's parents were not the greatest, but I am so happy that someone adopted my father when he was 3 years old. His adopted mother was really great. He is an amazing man that I love more than my own husband.
Good luck sweet heart. Just be honest. Your husband loves you, and I am sure that he just isn't aware of how much this means to you.
He knows I want to have kids with him and he always says he wants that, too, but he doesn't feel the same sense of urgency that I do. He's just a much more nonchalant person than I am, in general.
I know there are a lot of women who have healthy pregnancies into their forties, but with my negativity, I guess I think it's not going to happen for me. It's just so hard to imagine that I actually would get to join the "parent club."
I am more open to the idea of adopting than I once was. It's just hard giving up on the idea of having a baby of my own and going through pregnancy and everything. It's an experience I really want in my life.
Better yet, set up the appointment for him and drive him to it : )
If it is that important, do not worry about the cost. Insurance pays the bulk and whatever is left over you can figure out.
You will be a mom whether you adopt or have one of your own. Think positive, regardless you will be a great mother and love your child.
Good luck
My husband has a vasectomy and reversal. We went to this Dr in Oklahoma. Dr. Wilson. If you do some research on the internet, you will see lots of reviews on him. He is very low cost. And he is kinda weird. But he does a great job. My husband is back to normal. All together, flight plus surgery plus hotel was around $2,000.
We are still not pregnant but no fault of hubby's I have found some issues with myself.
If you want some more info on Dr. Wilson, feel free to message me