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Cant get into the holiday season

AlyAngel
AlyAngel

I've always been big into the holidays. I start to get into the Christmas spirit right after Halloween,  I love shopping and decorating and cooking! 


Well I got admitted to the hospital on the 29th of September,  so no Halloween and just got discharged last week after having my baby at 35 weeks. She is still in the NICU. 


This year I just can't get into it.  I don't want to go Christmas shopping, I don't want to decorate. I don't want to buy all the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner because more than likely my daughter won't be home for Thanksgiving and that is breaking my heart. 


My son is only 3, so he can only go to the hospital on sibling day which is Tuesday or Saturday.  So more than likely I'll be spending the day at the NICU with my daughter and then the later afternoon and evening with my son. 


I hate it so much.  She is not taking her bottles by mouth, which is the only thing that is keeping her here, I was so hopeful that she would be home by now and home by the holidays and now I am just feeling major guilt for not being able to carry to full term to prevent this situation again,  and so much disappointment because she is not home with us. 


How do I deal with the guilt? The disappointment? How do I get into the holiday spirit for my 3 year old so he doesn't miss out? How do I find the strength to get through this? 

Pamela8888
Pamela8888
AlyAngel I'd like to first say it is not your fault that your daughter was born at 35 weeks. I don't know why these things sometimes happen to us but I do know that you are very loved. I found when I faced depression and anxiety over difficult circumstances that it helped to get together with people who could encourage me. For me that was in the church where I worship. I needed to understand what my life was worth and how I am deeply loved. I hope you are able to find joy this holiday season. I'd also just like to mention that depression is rarely something we can deal with on our own. I'd encourage you to reach out to a trusted counselor. If you need a resource I'd be happy to share one with you. You are in my thoughts!
Deckard
Deckard
My dad will have his hip surgery on Monday. So he will be healing up during Thanksgiving. We will have a pizza Thanksgiving this year. No turkey. Super simple.
RiSober
RiSober
Pamela8888 is right; you didn't do it, and you need not feel guilty. How to get into the holiday spirit? This might sound like a Hallmark movie (or card), but look at the name of the holiday, Thanksgiving, and give thanks for what you DO have. I, and many of us, seem to go to the default position of seeing and feeling what we do not have. You have a beautiful three year old son, and a beautiful baby daughter. That is a LOT for which to be thankful.