Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've posted about serious issues with my older daughter. Her last email to me said this: Robin, Our relationship is over. Please do not reach out to me again. If I must see you, I have nothing to say to you. My emails will not accept your emails any longer.
I have been demolished. Firstly to call me by my first name is the height of disrespect. Secondly to email me with this is beyond. I am so depressed:( What makes this worse is that my husband is angry with me! He feels that if he goes to see her or his grandchildren without me, I'll "punish him" for going. I've said that he's free to go, but he just keeps insisting that I'm going to hold it against him. I don't even know what to say to him any more. On a personal note, I feel a husband should always stand with his wife. If the situation were reversed, I would say to my daughter, "If he's not welcome neither am I." However he's an adult, and I don't want to insist he choose between us.
I can't function. I'm not really sleeping very well. My husband has asked if he can broker a deal with my daughter so I can attend family functions would I do it. This sort of behavior from her is ongoing for many years. I am fragile, and I don't know if I want to put myself in a loose-loose situation, which is what this would be. I just don't know!
I was almost done with him 4 years ago when late DH and I found out we were pregnant and he told me, "well I'm not claiming it as my sibling!" And ,"what the f**k was wrong with me for having a baby with DH!" He kept calling me everything and even told me to suck his d**k, yeah my "loving" son. My DH hated the disrespect he gave me and we had him move out before the baby was born.
He now has a girl and a boy that I don't see. Sure it hurts, however I'm not going to put up with his drama/bs anymore unlike my baby daddy who sees them all the time. So if hubby wants to go see her give him a high five and say see you when you get back.
You have to always remember you did the best you could and it's not your fault how she's chosen to be! You're still alive and you have to continue living for you and if you have other kids.
People used to ask how I could be so cold since he is my firstborn, I'm not cold I'm living my life with peace/sanity! I did the best I could and it wasn't good enough for him, oh well his loss. As its your daughter's loss.
Keep your head up and pat yourself on the back telling yourself you are an awesome mom regardless of who she is now! Big big hugs!
'Robin, Our relationship is over. Please do not reach out to me again. If I must see you, I have nothing to say to you. My emails will not accept your emails any longer.'
As a general rule when people misbehave and you can't get them to change for the better; as Gandhi said: withdraw your support, but not your love.'
So, 1. Please do not reach out to me again.
Do exactly that. Do not try to reason with her or try for compromises etc. Stop interacting with her - it may take years of this 'tough love' on your part. Somehow you will have to find the strength.
2. If I must see you...
Withdraw your physical presence from her as well. She will not see you until she learns... You have to ignore her from now on - it's tough medicine for her but what else can you now do?! Don't attend family functions where you'll give her the opportunity to ignore you etc.
3. My emails will not receive your emails.
Ok, obviously don't send any more emails but also do not phone her, text her or try to communicate with her. If she gets into contact with you, depending on what she's saying you can reply but if it's still disrespectful etc. then you probably shouldn't. It's not nice getting a taste of your own medicine, is it?
You have to behave AS IF she's no longer your daughter; as if you're the coldest-hearted person on the planet. Of course, it's not true, and hopefully when the time is right, she will see that, and it will bring about that much-needed change in her heart. If it doesn't you have lost her and you must not destroy your own soul on the altar of love thinking 'what greater sacrifice can I make for my daughter than to go into hell for her'.This is known as the 'ascetism of love' and it's spiritually disastrous. In a way, it means, like God, you will respect her free will even if it means she goes her way into greater darkness.
On another note: have you considered family counselling?
I have begged for family counseling, but have been refused.
You are right, at this point I have to protect myself, and honor her wishes. However saying that, she got very hurt and upset when I did not call to wish my grandson happy birthday, so on the one hand she says this, but doesn't like the consequences of it.
I agree with the person who said give her what she wants..but I would not lower myself to compimise to be allowed to go to special occasions. ..I feel guilty every day & every time I do fun things with our other 3 kids that I thought my son would enjoy ..but I can't stop living ..& the anxiety is eating me up...I were a necklace around my neck he gave to my daughter who broke it 5 times ..so I'm wearing it..when ever I get upset I hold onto that necklace & ask God to watch over him & to give me strength & grace...all I know to do right now...I asked him to easter & he said why would I go someplace with people I can't stand..I cried all easter..had dinner an other day & ask him again to come he said he feels we are mad at him & will treat him badly..I text him every night ..goodnight son I love you..he has always said I love you too..now he says I'm fine ..or that fine ..heart broken for you