Each time I feel even the slightest bit of happiness I think of all the negative things in my life to remind me why I can't be truly happy. I've tried not to, but it feels impossible. "How can I be happy when I have credit card debt and student loans looming over me?" These financial burdens are a HUGE part of my stress and depression, as it feels like I'll never get rid of them. I had someone close to me offer to pay for some of my debt, but then when I tried to pursue the option they said it may not be the best idea after all. It's totally understandable, but I've been fairly depressed ever since because I was given hope and it felt like it was snatched away. Now I feel like I'm back at rock bottom with no hope of climbing up.
Aside from that, I got moved to a new department at work that I've wanted to be moved to since day one. I love my job and I love my coworkers. But my pay does not match the fact that I have 2 degrees, and although it pays my bills it doesn't allow me to contribute anything extra to my mountain of debt. I should be happy that I got a job I've had my eye on for months, but I can't let myself be because it's not enough financially. To add onto that, a few of my family members and my significant other are making double (or triple) what I make yearly, and they never even went to college. I just feel like all my hard work was a waste and I'm a humungous failure. How can I be happy when I'm not as successful as them?
I feel like I jumped around a lot in this post, but I've been dealing with so many different emotions. Thanks to anyone taking the time to read.
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