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I kissed a guy the other day while I was drunk and I am supposed to be gay but for some reason it has created such a conflict in me that I am very nervous about it and disgusted that I am losing sensation in my lips. Why is that happening. It is affecting my progress in the day and I feel down everytime I eat something or I remember it. I am so depressed about it on top of my old depression that I feel that I am not functioning well and I need to go to the ER to resuscitate my mood.
It seems like the kiss is causing you to doubt your sexual orientation. I'm afraid I don't understand why. Lots of people have kissed someone when they were drunk that would never have kissed when they were sober. You just use that as a reason to be careful how much you drink in the future. I also don't know what you mean when you say you are "supposed" to be gay.
Perhaps if you are comfortable sharing a little more, people can offer more support to you.
You are right. It actually brought up a lot of burried emotions. I am gay, but why did I find the situation unsual.
I don't know if you're male or female, so I don't know if you're troubled by your response to kissing someone of the same gender or the opposite gender. In other words, did you kiss a person of the gender to which you thought you were NOT attracted, or of the gender to which you thought you WERE attracted? What preceded the kiss--was it flirting or attraction or merely the silliness that comes when people have a little too much to drink? Was this a person you knew before? Is it someone you will ever see again or just a random guy?
You make no mention that you betrayed anyone.........you may be looking inside as to who you want to be, but that again is perfectly normal. Guilt can cause a lot of unsettling physical and emotional reactions, but look at the situation from a different perspective. You experienced something that perhaps made you uncomfortable.........that only proves your learning something about yourself. That is what life does......it teaches us. You hurt no one, don't hurt yourself for experiencing something that brought a new level of understanding into your life. Think it through and try to understand why you felt uncomfortable. It may be that you were just surprised at the depth of your feelings and that frightened you a bit. Don't let it take who you are from you. If it was a mistake, that's all it was......and you are only human, and you have the right to learn who you are and want to be in life.
Thanks a lot for your post. All it is is a steep learning experience. But you are right not to look down on it rather take it as such. If it is a mistake, then it is one. If it is something else then understand it better. For some reason it was scary but I don't know why. Maybe it was the wrong person ?? I don't know? Strange!! It is good to have a supportive environment to question what was going on.
You don't say how old you are, but it seems like this was probably one of your first sexual experiences. Most of us make mistakes early on--as Karen said, that's how we learn. Usually our first sexual experiences are FAR from the best of our lives. It's like anything else, you get better as you get more experience. Not just physical experience, but experience at recognizing what and who is right for you. The power of sexual attraction can be surprising and even shocking at first. That's OK too--it's supposed to be that way.