I am in hospital under section 3 for eating disorder and self harm I have been sent to another unit miles away from home I am feeling really low the past 4 days have been hell I am having thoughts of killing myself but there not my thoughts they just keep coming I try to ignore it but I can't I have absconded twice in the last few days to buy vodka to just block everything out started sniffing arosols and lighter gas i hate myself for doing it i think its discusting but i will do what i can at the moment not to have to think about everything money problems, homeless, relationship break up but ex won't accept it still after 6 months voices in my head telling me not to eat I don't need it I'm to fat then the staff say I do need it and so on I could be here all day on that one and these thoughts that are driving me insane telling me to kill myself in all sorts of ways I don't feel safe I am getting really angry it tells me to put things round my neck I almost did today I spoke to someone about it but then had to punish myself for talking it won't give up I can't stand it anymore I'm missing my diet I'm not coping at all the staff have taken my money aerosols and lighters I am on clonazapam but its just not helping anymore
I need ways to cope I've tried elastic bands on my wrist I've tried writing I don't know what else to do I'm scared I don't know how much more I can take