Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

3 Online

orion888 02/16/2016

I can't believe I did this...but I did. I got really obsessed with a guy. I have never done that before except way back when I was in school, a young teenager. I never did anything about it. I just looked at his facebook all the time and kept hoping...he would notice and pay attention to me. Pretty sad for an older woman. I don't know what possessed me. I guess nothing was happening in my life and I just kept fantasizing about a romance. Life was slow and I wasn't meeting anyone. Things were lonely and stressful. Maybe it made me feel better to think about him or look at his pics. I knew he didn't return the feelings by his attitude toward me in person, just very dismissive, etc. I used to always check to see...did he get a girlfriend yet? After a long time, he finally did. What was weird was that when he got together with her finally he would always look at me. Maybe he was thinking, "too bad for her, she will probably feel bad." And I felt bad about it. Why? Why should I feel bad about a man who doesn't give a rat's ass about me. It's just plain stupid. So they are together now and they are lovers, so what? Why do I care? Am I really that lonely?

Worse yet, there were times I began to feel he was hitting on me when she was around...he would leave her and come and sit by me...not good. Or maybe I was just reading into it because that's what I wanted to see. But I noticed he was always eavesdropping on my conversation and looking at me. Maybe he thought it was amusing to have this little puppy dog like me looking at him the way I did. So stupid. I'm glad I am dating new people now. I just know better and know this is no way to meet someone and have a relationship. Who would want a relationship like that anyway. He used to come around me and brag about himself. Why in **** could I have found this attractive and such a charge. How does a grown woman who knows better develop such an obsession and fixation. How pathetic of me.

squeaker1231 02/16/2016

When lonely and life is just blah I would frequently act in such a way to make it exciting. Rather it be a far off relationship. A crisis with family or work. I realize now as I have gotten older i had programed into me as a child that if it was just a day by day it wasn't worth addressing. So the biggest behavior I developed was creating circumstances that would awaken my feelings. At least life wasn't boring anymore. Used to say I pole vaulted over mouse turds. I hope I didn't offend you just sharing some of my experiences. I too was in a relationship that was one sided, I would hold onto every word, look. Or actions that I knew was just for me. He too got a girlfriend that did not eliminate his actions toward me. It eventually fizzled out but I could remember those feelings like it was yesterday. When my behaviour is questionable I try to figure what the pay off was. This relationship from afar kept me occupied so didn't have to pursue a real relationship sitting myself up for rejection which I don't handlewell. I think I have probably said to much. My comments were share so you wouldn't feel alone. Please accept my apology if I offended you.

devanthony 02/16/2016

I wouldn't call you pathetic. Those of us who suffer from emotional disorders are often much better readers of other people. I wouldn't be surprised to find that this guy was actually paying attention to you at key times, if only because he liked the idea of keeping you infatuated with him.

As for the infatuation itself, you said yourself you were in a bit of a rut. The easiest way out of a rut, hands down, is to fantasize. It just so happened this guy popped up when you were ready to start fantasizing. There's no shame in it - he served as a coping mechanism when you needed it, and now that you don't, you've moved on to an active dating life of your own.

I say you have nothing to be ashamed of.

WanderingVet 02/16/2016

you are beating yourself up. We do what we think we should do at the time. Human nature. This is a 'risky' thing humans do ... but the way the universe works, .. it is the only way. Nothing to feel bad about. If we get from one day to the next ... we have done well.

The only thing we can to with the past ... is learn from it.

orion888 02/16/2016

Squeaker, no I'm not offended by anything you are saying. It was helpful and makes sense. And, yes, I often did wonder if he was paying attention at times just to keep me infatuated and on hook. It did look that way to me. I think the real thing that sticks out to me is why did he go on to find a relationship and I never did-what is the issue here? But that can be looked at on it's own. It just that I tried to be accepted by a community that didn't, like high school, it went on without me. Just kinda sad. But thanks everyone.

bridgie101 02/17/2016

Orion you never know how someone sees you but it's best not to assume they're laughing at you behind their hand.

You may make him feel comfortable, so he talks to you. He may see you as an older sister, or auntie type figure. That allows him to blossom in your company. It doesn't mean he's going to be infatuated with you ever - and most importantly, it doesn't mean he thinks you're infatuated with him. He may think that - but then again, it most likely hasn't entered his head.

He just feels like you care about him on some level, and he basks in that. it's a good thing. He just feels safe with you, that's all. :)

Join the Conversation