Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So for the passed two nights I have been having these really really bad suicidal thoughts. Last night was pretty terrible too. My head was pounding and I just could not fall asleep. The thoughts are mostly like "I just want to die" or "I don't want to be here" or "All this stress would be gone if I was gone" but the thing is....I have no intentions to really ya know, do it. I mean once while on the top balcony of our motel on vacation I looked down and a little voice was saying "jump" but I would never. I don't know what to do. My therapist knows but I don't think she cares and I'm scared to like go to the hospital and I don't know if I should even go. Is it that serious? I have no idea. Someone help please.....
From what you describe .. you are having anxiety attacks. The best treatment for that is medication ... which would come from your DOCTOR. Discuss this with him/her AND your therapist.
Meanwhile, .. deep breath ... exhale slowly, and know that this is temporary and you can do something to prevent it. Relax ... see the night sky ... all is peace ... it is peaceful.
i think it comes down to action...
are the thoughts out of frustration because life is so full of
pain and confusion that your mind is talking but you wont
go through with it?? ...
fear creates so many negative reactions...
the last week i have thought about pain ... cutting pain
burning pain, falling and breaking pain .. its a strange place to be
at 55 yeas old to have my mind dwell in places i have never
thought about at all ...
the world is a strange place
hold on honey ...
and know you are not alone
~hugs~
It's nerve-wracking to live with thoughts of self harm, but if you can distance your "self" from the thoughts, they lose their power over you. The point where you should be concerned is if the thoughts start to creep into the territory of behavior, As long as you aren't leaning over the edge, and putting yourself in harm's way, the thoughts are manageable. One thing though, you should be looking after yourself better if you're feeling so bad. If you are this depressed, you should take extra care to make sure you're sleeping eight hours a night and eating a healthy diet. Also, with the the season change, make sure you're taking a good vitamin D3 supplement, because sunlight is in shorter supply and you need D3 for optimum brain/bone/immunity functioning - Costco sells a cheap and high quality 5,000 supplement that I highly recommend. Also, if you're against psychotropic medications, there are a lot of natural remedies. I had a lot of success with taking high amounts of E.P.A., the Omega molecule in fatty fish. There's a great TED talk that discusses the benefits of E.P.A, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drv3BP0Fdi8 I took 2500 mg of E.P.A from January to August and it helped more than any anti-depressant I'd tried (and I tried most of them.) Another thing, exercise, just 30 minutes 3x a week does wonders for your emotional well being and overall health. It's even more powerful than anti-depressants, but it's easier to commit to taking pills every day than exercising 3x a week, so if you're totally against going on medication, at least commit to working out for 1/2 hour three times a week.
I'm concerned that you think your therapist doesn't care. You might be right, maybe she's a heartless person, just watching the clock. If that's the case, remember, that's HER problem. Anyone worth anything would care about you and, anyone who doesn't is an asshole. There are plenty of people who care about you, just look at the responses here.
Another thing to consider, when you're feeling terrible, it seems like nobody cares about you, and that's just depression clouding your perception of reality. When you're depressed, you have to take every tragic thing you think with a grain of salt. If you're drinking too much, you have to understand that your temporary glee is a chemical reaction, and when you're depressed, you have to realize that your depression is a chemical reaction too. You can be drunk in sadness and make irrational decisions if you lose perspective. Just remember, no matter how it seems in the moment, everything is OK. All the bad thoughts are like stormy weather, it all blows away.
I'm so glad that you can trust yourself not to give up. Very quickly, things can get bad, and just as quickly, they can get better. Focusing on just one day at a time, even one minute at a time - any step you can take to make life easier on yourself. You deserve that.
The second you have any doubt about anyone you pay for help, not caring, I would find someone else. Listening to other people talk about their pains, often unspeakable things that they've endured -- causes therapists to burn out. Maybe, you can find someone who doesn't have as much experience, but is freshly trained and wants to make a difference. Anybody who truly wants to help you is a better choice.
The feeling of losing control, except for people who require medication to get better, is just a feeling. Your thoughts are yours - you decide what to hang on to, what thoughts are filling you with fear and anxiety, and need to go. If you had a little sister who was very upset and worried, you would do everything possible to help her feel calm, accepted, safe. You can do that for yourself.
I hope you find the right solutions, and begin to heal, very soon.
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"Life has knocked me down a few times. It has shown me things I never wanted to see. I've experienced sadness and failures. But one thing for sure - I always get up."