I can understand that feeling.

Have you had that desire before? If so, what has worked in the past?

Is that you and your dog in your avatar? If so, your dog looks like my dog!

>> i want to die im so depressed

Turn that around and then expand it a bit to take a look at the in-between:

> I'm so depressed ... I want to die

What are the missing details in the middle there?

That is drugs and alcohol talking. Take a walk on the sober side and see if you feel the same.

Leejoshepho, really hit the mark here. You've got the title. Let's hear the lyrics. Maybe if you sing a few words we can join in and harmonize. You're not alone. That's been a reoccurring theme in my life more times than I care to admit.

ive been out of work for 3 months and cant find anything. my family isnt there for me. i have very few friends and i feel so alone. ive been cutting i was in the hospital a couple weeks ago and met this super nice nurse who hugged me and made me feel good and after i got out i tried to add her on fb and she hasnt replied and it hurts for someone like me with bpd and has abandoment isssues. i tried to commit suicide and it didnt work i wish it did . i drink everyday because im addcited to vodka . i hate life

Well, now that's a bit more fleshed-out. Ok. Let's look at the various pieces you've laid out here. 1. Out of work. 2. Feeling no support from family 3. only a few friends 4. cutting and in hospital 5. nurse snubbed your fb friend request and 6. you're addicted to vodka.

I'll take the easiest one first. The nurse likely snubbed you because they are trained not to interact with patients outside of the medical setting. I would have been concerned for you if she HAD accepted you as a friend. A true professional would not do that. He/She is not your friend. She was your care giver and apparently a very empathetic and kind one. Take that kindness as a true blessing. It doesn't come around that often.

Now I'm not a health care professional but I do know a little bit about life because I'm old, I'm 62. I used to drink alcohol. I don't believe it was an extreme problem for me but I do know this about alcohol - it is impossible to heal from depression while using it. It's counter-productive to meds and definitely counter-productive to job hunting. It is a chemical that when it's introduced into our blood system causes two separate reactions - 1. when the blood/alcohol content level is rising (when you first begin to drink) it causes euphoria, poor judgement, reduced inhibitions and a high. 2. When the BAC is declining, it causes multiple other issues one of which is depression. If you want to learn more, read this article https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/you-illuminated/201006/your-brain-alcohol.

I quit drinking 2 years ago, cold turkey on my own. It was easy for me. Because I don't believe I was addicted. But, more importantly, I decided it was causing me to be less mentally alert and I had a chance for a job promotion. In order to get that promotion, I had to be on top of my game - clear, decisive and professional. I needed to quit and I did and I got the promotion.

I believe you need to quit drinking and I believe you already know that from the other issues in your life. Now, how to go about it? Studies have shown the success rate of various alcohol treatment programs when compared to cold-turkey, quitting on your own are not too different. In other words, many people have quit simply because they were ready to quit. Are you ready for that to happen? It won't be easy for you. You've already given alcohol top billing in your life. It will be a clumsy dropping that crutch. But, I believe you can do it.

Think about all this. Think about it when your sober. I can't promise you that quitting will change your life, you'll get a job, you family will love and support you again, folks will flock to your fb page. Life doesn't happen that way. Each change that you make towards a positive life opens the door for positive things to happen. But, it doesn't guarantee that they will. Only you can make the changes permanent in your life and only you can replace the negative behaviors of over-drinking and cutting with positive behaviors like working and building lasting relationships and friendships. Good luck. Keep us posted on your efforts.

as for the nurse i get that but dont want to accept it she was so caring. i want too be her friend. i know i need to quit drinking but its so hard i wish i could. im going to try not to drink tomorrow.....

Agree with MVC, stop drinking. At least for now. It's not helping your depression. It is a very bad habit to develop.
I'm not young but I'm not old. If I could have a "do-over", I would participate in a missions trip. Church people go on those, sometimes to other countries, sometimes to other cities, but sometimes in their own city. The reason is to show Christ to others and to help them. Sometimes when we do this, we forget our own problems and focus on real problems, like not having food and water.
I have friends in Nigeria who are Seminarians and I help them financially to pay for their school. Some of them are able to continue their studies in the States or when they are ordained, they travel here. When I complain about my problems, I think of them and how hard they work and how happy they are and it helps me!
Another thing is talk to your family or friends. Sit someone down and tell them how you feel. Your mom, a sister, an aunt, your grandmother, a teacher. None of them want to see you hurting; they want you happy and successful. Or at least happy! ;) Keep trying until you find someone.
And take it one day at a time. You will probably feel differently a month from now, or a year from now. Life changes and is full of surprises. Take a class in something different: painting, music, dance, photography. You might find a hidden love and talent for something you didn't expect.
You sound like you are young. Take care of your health, please don't drink. Try to find hope and if you can't, try to make it!