Diane, you can do this. You do know that he enjoyed free housing, being taken care of, while leading his own separate life. You deserve better than this. There are good and mature men out there who want a give and take relationship. You have great insight onto the fact he left this relationship a good while ago Grieve, heal, then find your better tomorrow. Calming and comforting hugs.

Thanks and I am trying to hard to be strong. He just can't grow up. It's sad. I have been the absolute best gf I could be to him w my flaws of course. And it's like never enough. Being taken advantage of and for granted isn't working for me anymore

Diane, you are strong, and obviously a loyal person. Support you as you grieve for him, but enough of this one way street. Comforting hugs.

Hi Diane. It sounds like he doesn't even understand what it means to BE IN a relationship. It takes work and compromise on both person's part. It sounds like he is still in that early 20's mindset. If it feels good do it...It sounds like you have been living separate lives for quite some time, even though you have continued to live together. He clearly has his own agenda, and it's all about HIM. From what you describe, he also sounds like he could be verbally abusive to you, and that is UNACCEPTABLE. When you love someone you go the extra mile for them. Even when you don't feel like it or are tired or what have you. You deserve to be cherished, and it sounds like this guy is just a tool. (No offense to you at all.) It doesn't sound like he values what he has with you, and you can't force him to do so. He doesn't sound appreciative or tuned into what is going on with you or how your relationship with him is causing you upset and anxiety. As women, we CANNOT be in the business of changing men. I have been there, done that, and it never works out. We accept each other for who we truly are or we must move on. I started over at 35 when my ex divorced me right after my BD diagnosis. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, and I came dangerously close to letting it destroy me. It took me a long time, but I now have a partner who stands by me no matter what. (And boy have I put him through it!) We have our moments, and he gets frustrated with my BD often, but we are able to talk through it, and it always end with him telling me how much he loves me and how he's not going anywhere. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, safe, and valued. You are SO much better than the situation you are in. This could be the empowering event in your life that moves you on to bigger and better things. I know it feels like a loss, a rejection, but it might just be the freedom you need to see how truly wonderful you are as a person.

Dear Diane, sorry to hear you are going through so much in a relationship. I had a fair share of a lot of bad relationships. Your bf does sound like one of the bfs that I have had. Basically very self- centred, narcissist and selfish. You sound like a wonderful and loving person. So I do understand why you find it so hard to breakup cos hurting another person is just not you. But if it’s not him, then how Long are you willing to endure this?? if this relationship doesn’t serve you or edify you, would it be more loving to yourself to let it go? Hope this helps dear... keeping you in my prayer.

Nightingale, we talked again last night and he said that he is very torn bc he sees the way he treats me now as opposed to 2 years ago and its unfair. he said he used to be so excited to come home and spend time with me and now he just doesnt feel that anymore. He feels like he needs space away but knows if he leaves that we are over and he cant decide. And idk what to do bc telling him to leave is going to destroy me and once he is gone i cant take him back. And what would change if he did leave? He would want to move back in and then we would be back to this same spot another 2 years later? I am so tired. I have been crying i cant sleep. Its devastating. Especially hearin him say those things bc i know that i am still excited to see him even though its been 4 years.

Hugs..... sorry to hear that.... You need to try to get some sleep. Sleep helps to clear cognitive garbage which will then help you to think better. But from what you have wrote, it does sound like he is already one foot out of the relationship. Long term relationship is not so much about fireworks and romantic feelings every day anymore. it’s always about 2 people staying committed to each other even on days that are hard. I can certainly sense it from you. YOu are committed and willing to work. But your bf seems to only want the easy stuff in relationship which is not even possible. Then the best question to ask yourself is if this is to go on for another 4 more years, are you willing to work it out with him? if your bf is as committed as you, I would strongly encourage to invest time and efforts work through all the issues. But he sounded non-committed.

Dearest, you are very precious and worthy in the Creator’s eyes. It pains me tremendously to know that you are hurting and in pain. But you know what? You are stronger than this and more courageous than you think. With or without this relationship doesn’t change who you are. Please know that. Praying for you dear. God bless....

Lots of codependency here. You claim misery if you break and misery if you keep. I think there is much MORE misery in keeping than in breaking. This is NOT working. You need to get out of this relationship. Granma's house, doesn't work, doesn't come home, abusive ... who needs all that?

I appreciate all the kinds words of encouragement. But yes i do live in my grandmas house. I have my own apt upstairs and its suited me fine for 10+ years. That isnt anything to do with all the other issues. I am struggling with the whole breaking up part. I am seeing my therapist weekly to get myself strong and work through everything,